The Writer Who Couldn't Write

You came to me last night.

I was playing a sexy role and you couldn't stand it.

You had to have me in your way.

Sometimes I think you like me more when I'm asleep.

But please remember I have depths that you'll see soon…you have no idea yet.

I am like the ultimate breathless vixen.

I am the spine of your mountain.

I am the living testament to our fragility.

You have a capability I have never seen before to handle pain.

I don't love to see you in pain, especially if I am the cause.

I would rather run out into the rain and fall into a crevasse.

Then see you hurt.

But then again you would probably follow me.

And then we would be in a ravine.

At least we would be together.

We have too many people who rely on us to fall in.

They wouldn't leave us there for long anyway.

And after they lasered us back together we would be reset.

Back to work for you and back to being what I am becoming for me.

I have never had a better time to falter.

But if you think I don't remember when we were both so far down…

When we were climbing that mountain one hand hold at a time.

Think again. Because I remember every moment fondly.

Although I appreciate how far we've come.

And me with hardly a difference.

You, you on the other hand have changed dramatically.

It shows something about you.

Something strong, beautiful, and free.

Just like Nietzsche wrote for you and me.

The greatest philosophers uncovered.

Remember when you said you were afraid for me to take the stage?

Guess what, I think you were misinformed, because I haven't even taken it yet.

When I do you'll know.

And this isn't a dress rehearsal.

This is all pre production.

I am not going to have a dress rehearsal.

I should be able to get anything by take 2.

Why am I writing about myself as though I am an actress?

Oh didn't you know?

I am. I am an actress and always will be.

You wanted me to act like a writer.

Well, no problem, she says…glancing at a grumpy man's sour face.

I have no real predisposition for grammar, tenses, nouns…what's going on?

What kind of foolish poetry is this?

It has no flow, it has no point.

I am a collaborative person and I do not perform well without support.

Who wants to act alone in front of their Mac?

Someone said wise words to me…but I forgot them.

I was once a frog, I was once a tree…

Insightful as this is I am not me.

Throughout the years I've found a tendency…

For glamour, sex, and well...the love of treasures…

Treasures that run deep…

Treasures that are often overlooked…

Are usually worth more…

Don't exploit your own treasures!

They are your only treasures.

Because we're really done here now.

You know what I mean.

I am talking to you: Dorothy, the Wizard, and Toto.

I'm killing it here!

Killing it!

Break me down and I will rebuild again.

Go on do it! Break me down.

But don't forget who you made sign up for this with me.

Am I on? Are we recording?

Speed. Camera. Action.

Please no cursory Biblical references.

Oh jesus, this is devolving!

I apologize in advance.

The last thing I warned you about was resolved on my end.

However, he's not done.

Maybe we can use this to our advantage?

I can work under the gun.

Just remember I wanna be a big star baby!

Dreams of You

It seems that you've taken over my dreams.
You're testing me and making sure.
You always want to know if I'm hiding something.
What if I am? What if I'm not?

Sometimes you can't help yourself you show another side.
The side that wants to be held, the side that might have cried.
You pull out a thorn stuck deep inside me.
You're always fixing what's wrong.

How could anyone else have ever guided me?
Why do I have to wait so long?
When all I want is to have you near.
To see inside your world.

There is a gathering of people deep underground and they're cheering me on.
They seem to think I can save them.
They've seen how far I've come.
I may be a fast runner but I can't outrun this one.

So whether you come to me in daylight or in my sleep.
Whichever form you take, it doesn't matter to me.
I just want to know you love me.
And above all, no matter what, that you won't stop until you have me to keep.

Blackberry Smash!

I was wandering down the corridors of an empty hotel at night.
When I saw a little bar open with a nice menu and a light.
Their specialties were crudités and beer on tap.
I ordered the olive sampler, french bread, and a beer with a cap.

There was nothing different about that place.
Although I drew a man with an unusual face.
And I sat there trying to make up a better plan.
But all I could really think about was my old pal Stan.

We worked in the trenches at L.A. Center Studios.
I was busy reading resumés and bios.
He handled current affairs.
There was a girl in the office putting on airs.

When I looked at the clock I realized an hour had gone by.
I was looking at the other patrons like I was a spy.
But I'll never forget the mistake I made when I ordered the Blackberry Smash.
It was tingly and lovely and cost a bit of cash.

I took the bait.
I'm often lonely and kind of irate.
It's a curse to always get away.
But it's even worse when you constantly have to pay.

It was closing time so I called a Yellow Cab.
That was when my enemy came in to try a quick backstab.
She made me late to see my boy.
Now I know how he used to feel, it was a radical ploy.

If on Sunday I don't return.
It's only because I am still feeling the burn.
Your memory is short and mine should be shorter.
But instead I am the one who's hedging the reporter.

I was wondering why it hurts for you to see me tying my shoes.
Is it because they give you the blues?
If we do things in a different order will it help the talent?
Or should I just relent.

I left that bar hopefully for good.
And when I left they hurried in a mood.
Johnny Appleseed was watching from a window.
But the actor showed his face and seemed to take a bow.

Whatever happens now is not my problem.
And if you ever try to blame me remember the stem.
A stem is a piece of glass and a part of a glass.
It's sharp sometimes or just unbearable so I'll pass.

Lover From Another Dimension

If you ever find a lover from another dimension.
It could either kill you faster than you can imagine.
Or it's an invitation to see what's possible.
Perfect balance is essential however.

As we lay in bed, perfect bodies, perfect silhouettes, like Grecian youth.
I laced my fingers into his.
"You have my hair stuck in your fingers."
"That's not a hair."

But I thought it was a hair so I tugged it and it broke.
He wanted to leave.
I said, "But..."
So, he stayed a while longer.

"That's not a hair."
Probably not something I will ever understand.
But I got an idea.
It has to do with weaponry.

Weapons like that are what I'm excited by.
Was it easy for me to break because of what I thought?
Can our realities make us capable of that?
It's the balance that I love in you.

In his dimension there are signs that say "Microwave in use" on hotel doors.
This is not a reference to a normal microwave.
And the signs go up and down.
But when I finger them they are fixed in place.

In his dimension people are serving drinks in the lounge.
Or they're lying dead in bathtubs.
Waiting to be dissolved.
Or maybe they're just pleasuring themselves all the time.

It's the faces that I'll never become used to.
How they change from moment to moment.
It's the feeling your diet coke is constantly being swapped out.
It's the drugged up feeling.

But mostly it's the sex and how it gets you.
I always knew he won that way with women.
He can have any woman he wants.
That's a fact.

He gets bored easily and it's gotta be a constant challenge.
Lover from another dimension isn't easily pleased.
And he doesn't lie down when he's working.
He's always getting up.

It's nice thought though, he provides so much material.
I was wondering where he got that collection of vintage glassware?
Or the napkins with the beautiful autumn leaves.
I wanted one for myself, but somehow I knew.

If the CIA would quit pretending to know what the tiles were for.
They might actually get a clue.
But like I said that's between me and you.
The tiles weren't really related and not really a clue.

Or if your lover is never true.
I was wondering if that was the point.
That's he's never been the one for you.
Or if that's the door mat you wanted to do...

I may be by in the morning.
When you're drinking tea in your chair by the window, the one made of mahogany.
I'll be there and maybe we can talk.
Like we haven't before.

But it's changing, because we're both older.
I was wondering if you've been alive for centuries.
Sometimes it's what happens.
The baby and the ancient one together.

Lover from another dimension...
May I have a chocolate sundae with a cherry on top?
Always polite when she wants something.
And always angry and swearing when she doesn't get her way.

Oh God, I thought you were over me.
Don't you ever learn?
Oh right, that's not the right line.
But give me some credit and I'll give you whatever you want.

It's really stupid to trick the poor.
They're just about as desperate as I am.
But it's even worse to try and bribe them.
I was bribed by my lover with the promise of a future.

It wasn't what I expected and it never has been.
But all the thoughts came in quite handy.
And that was a nice gift.
From you to me and me to you.

Lover from another dimension...aren't my words like notes played in piano?
Or a tune that you heard before or maybe thought to compose.
Like I've said before, if it weren't for you, I would be complete.
But this may be a constant work in progress.

And if I lay down with you and said that I wanted to be with you forever.
Would you consider sharing dimensions with me?
We could bind the two together.
So the infinity symbol was what made it great.

Lover? Are you there?
I'm sorry if I let you down.
Please lover, please be fair.
I am your lover...batman underwear.

This isn't me, I am not here

I am not here.
I've never even been real.
Every time he fools me, I think of the last thing I saw or heard.
It's nothing more than a single crying star.

The whole of the world.
The fiber in the glass.
The seas behind the skies.
And I'll never go and you'll never know.

So we meet in the night.
And we burst together as a new age cosmic phenomena.
Insanity becomes the new reason.
And I've never been me with you.

It's a delicate balance between dhota and the original.
The original is hiding in the real world.
You are working in the towns you made with the slaves you drive home.
Become tomorrow, because today is never the way you made it.

By the time you are done.
We'll be overwhelmed again.
It's the drama in the position that makes you hungry for more.
Hopefully I can trick you with clover.

This isn't me, I'm not here.
I've been gone for some time.
And when they come and say you're not in town.
Then I know, I wasn't here.

Or the times they led me into rooms and stores and I went in one way and came out another.
She's doesn't know, she's not her.
Let her go, because we can't outwit her.
Let her go so we can make it up in time.

While you're getting ahead on your side.
I'll be working on mine.
And when we meet again it'll be the same game, different story.
So, maybe next time try not to laugh so hard when I drop my best estimate.

I'm not here, so no problem.
Don't worry, you can't find me.
I'm in a place no one can find.
I live on a lake.

Remember when you treated me like a fool?
Remember when I acted like a child?
I'm so sorry I messed everything up AGAIN.
Well, it takes 2.

Someone runs to the trash and grabs a scrap of paper, purple and white, opposite.
And a bystander watches the ensuing chaos.
Thinking this can't be happening.
Oh dear, but it is, it is happening.

When I leave the room everyone runs!
And if you don't have clearance you don't have a choice.
I had clearance.
Are you from Russia?

My name is Anya and I was born in a small town.
I am a communist.
I hope you read this and wonder.
Or maybe you already wonder.

I wonder why?
God, I really thought I was 5'9", but I was much taller.
Sometimes I see the same person in the mirror, but she's not really there.
Like I said, this isn't me, I'm not here.

He mentioned serial killers.
We had a common interest and the night went from there.
2 drinks are all you need to start the night right.
Right into another dimension.

It wasn't me and I wasn't there.
That's why I didn't mind being back in the corner.
And the different versions of you were all the best.
But don't think I'm fooled by your stalling.

Oh, I, I, I had the time of my life.
But I won't swear.
You owe it all to you.
And I know precisely what to do.

Even when I feel insecure and wonder if all the choices are right.
I know sometimes confidence is taking chances.
I've always been a fan of the long shot.
Like the Sagittarian horse taking his best shot and breaking the bull's eye with speeding arrow.

But then again if I'm not here...why can I still speak?
Really though, I am not here.
It's a love affair you created for yourself.
It's you, not me.

I've never really believed.
It's farcical.
Or maybe sick and demented with a touch of the banal at times.
Or maybe I'll just write.

Niwot is not a real town.
Hopefully someone else noticed this.
Or perhaps it's just quaint.
The best explanation is generally not the one I buy.

La, la, la, if numbers are in relationship to words.
Then what number am I?
Are the sequences all perfectly lined up?
Call me crazy and I'll be back in demand.

But don't worry, I am not me.
So how can you lose?
But that was never the problem.
The problem is that I am not here, this isn't me.

The Final Track

Or maybe you once were someone who cared.
But the World beat you into a deformed shape.
Now you're preying on flesh...
Because it's the only thing that satiates you.

And I suffer
Interminably
I suffer
And it's unbearable, but you don't mind.

Lost in a horrible place
I am without friends.
They have something I can never reclaim.
And I suffer.

The pain doesn't make me stronger it destroys me.
And you watch from a distance.
Safe.
While I suffer.

And who ever said that I was the one?
The one without a conscience?
How wrong can a person be?
If I am constantly being sold like chattel, then when is my final sale?

No one cares.
No one does anything to help.
And I suffer.
It's all in my head anyway.
.