What Do You Believe?

I feel like I'm running.
I finished what I started.
Imma run away from you.
I'm not audacious enough to say, "Come get me."

I hope you stay away.
Who is "you?"
"You" is anyone who's chasing me.
I'm like a more mysterious, marked celebrity.

Let me talk about myself in a deluded, strange way.
When I appear all sorts of things happen, naturally.
We go down the rabbit hole.
It's the same one you've been going down for years.

Running around with your pocket watches all set to different times.
One alarm goes off after another.
They're shutting the operation down behind you as you run out.
There was an agreement to leave me alone for a while.

Everyone on board agreed it was necessary if you didn't want to see me in the morgue.
Morgue
Formaldehyde perfume, sheets of doom, there's lots of room, in the iron cubicle.
I face death as much as possible.

When you say yes to death is usually leaves you alone, how ironic.
Readers I wonder what your thoughts are?
Do you avoid death, thoughts of death?
Too emo?

I'm surprised more people aren't fixated on it.
It has a bad reputation.
I know Death, he's around.
God is around and perhaps he says yes to Death.

Maybe Death comes and says, "I'm ready to take this one."
And God has to sign off on it.
We're all so hurt about death.
He hurts our feelings by killing people we like.

Poor death no one loves him.
He's lonely and misunderstood.
I liked him so much I wanted to join him, but then I realized he's not dead.
Death is a living person.

I thought by dying we could finally be together, but it's the reverse.
Whether I'm dead or alive I'm doing something.
I believe in reincarnation.
I could be reincarnated as Death in my next life.

This is not a prospect I look forward to.
This sounds ridiculous.
Death enjoys killing us mostly.
That's why he picked the job.

While Death is in love with me he'll keep me alive.
He doesn't want to be on earth without me, because I'm fun, and I can see his work.
I mean I see his cute clues he leaves behind.
I can imagine this poem infuriating some people.

We take it very seriously when we lose someone to Death.
We can be angry.
We can take anything as a provocation.
Because we don't appreciate being separated from the people we love.

Just like most people, I've lost someone.
But I don't blame Death.
He was just doing his job.
I don't blame anyone.

It created a rift between the world I was living in and another world.
I could hear his spirit whispering to me in the nighttime.
I could hear what a breeze sounds like on the other side.
Death whispered to me through my loved one.

Now that I know who I am I feel better.
Some children know who they are and some don't.
I didn't, because there was so much more people were going to give me.
I found myself in golden robes weaved of the softest bark.

When Death came back to see my beauty he wasn't as transfixed as he's becoming.
He's transfixed by the illusion I've created that is the person I'm becoming.
He didn't have a hand in this and he didn't know I could do this.
I'm making slow progress, or very fast, we don't know.

"Death will you do me a favor?"
Try to work how we used to.
I miss it.
Do you have it in you?

The preamble went on for too long.
You're here now for a while.
Why don't you make yourself comfortable?
Try picking up some art skills, try painting.

Turmoil is always there.
There is no reason to panic.
If you think you can do it, you can.
You once told me I made you feel like you could overcome anything.

I'm Probably Going to Be Killed

Something I don't write about a lot is what often seems like a fact to me.
I believe it is a fact I will be murdered.
I'm not going to live to be one hundred and three.
"He" is going to get me.

If people I know decide to cut off contact with me to save themselves know I understand.
I know a lot of people love me.
People I don't even know have put themselves on the line for me.
But enough is enough.

Waiting for him to do it is the hardest part.
This started about a decade ago - for me.
For all the people who have suffered because of me you will never know how sorry I am.
I am SO SORRY.

For a long time no one believed the things I was saying.
I wasn't telling them to hurt them I was trying to save them.
If you have knowledge you DO have power.
It might not save you forever, but it will buy you time.

I don't have any advice to give you if you are even able to read this.
My advice is to find love and stay in love as long as you can.
"He" knows that love is the only thing that can defeat him.
He is suffering so deeply it is like chains around his neck.

Pay attention and notice as much as you can around you.
If he comes too close, do something, take evasive action.
Follow your instincts.
Buying time is always good.

He will be caught.
If I have to die for his capture I am ready.
If you have to let me walk into that to save people do it, don't hesitate.
I am not afraid of dying.

In fact after everything I've been through I think it is a wise choice to make.
To all the people who've been doing their best to help: you are my heroes.
I have heroes all around me.
Don't be a hero when he comes for me.

I have a secret.
There is one person who can defeat him.
"He" hasn't been able to find him.
In the end he is the only one who can save me.

Rely on the fact that I have one immeasurable asset on my side.
An asset only I know about so no one is endanger there.
I will take this secret to my grave.
Thank you everyone, thank you Colorado for giving me a chance, thank you to the government for supporting me, thank you friends and enemies, thank you God, and thank you Mr. X for teaching me everything I know.

Figment of Your Imagination

Hello.
Have we met before?
Probably, either that or I know someone you know.
Honestly, it's a surprise seeing you here.

Your eyes were on fire when you talked to me.
Or they were twinkling impishly.
You know there are people who don't want me to see you again.
However, I have a good idea of who you are and I would like to try this again.

Maybe next time you'll get a better idea of who I can be.
I can be anyone I want to be.
Did you think I would really say something as cliché as:
I can be anyone you want me to be?

If I was what I thought you wanted me to be.
I would not be free.
If I am who I need to be you will have a better time.
What I want is to show you a good time while you're in town.

You work fast, I'll give you that much.
You might be wondering what's happening.
Wonder...
Is this me? Am I writing this?

A figment of you is still with me.
Let me see, who do I want to be?
I'm formulating it right now.
Thanks for spicing up my life.

Ok, ok, ok, this is life, but it's also a game.
I want you to feel a bit more nervous than you did initially.
I was unassuming.
Why?

Good question.
I'll let you ruminate on whatever it is you think is important.
Of course I'll let you.
Let's be clear, I'm not dictating anything.

Neither are you though.
We're merely rooks in a larger game.
Pawn is so passé.
Gone, gone, gone away.

I have a feeling you'll rethink your actions in the light of day.
Or you'll be watching.
But either way.
Remember, all you have to do is use your imagination.

Dial it Up

I started talking to my children tonight.
I told them what to watch out for.
"Don't talk to strangers."
"If anyone makes you feel scared or touches you in a way you don't like: tell me or your father."

It's hard because I want to tell them everything so they can protect themselves.
I know they'll either be most at risk when they're without us or if we're the ones to fail them.
You can't tell a three year old certain things.
I want to be with my children all the time and when they're adults to know they're okay.

I feel like being a parent is one of the hardest challenges possible to take on.
And yet, so many people do it.
I want to tell my two children to trust their instincts.
I want them to be surrounded by a shield of protection made of the strongest material known to man.

My husband is militial.
He folds his underwear and organizes it by style and color.
If I leave the ironing board up he scolds me.
If I forget the laundry in the dryer he makes me wash it again so it's not wrinkled.

I like it that he's strict and organized, because we're always ready.
He keeps me in line and he keeps me sharp.
My friend told me I'm sharp enough.
I think that's what people say to you who wish you were easier to trick.

We live in a house in Calabasas.
It's a two story house with four bedrooms.
My husband and I always slept in the same room with our children when they were babies.
They were in cribs though, because adults roll over sometimes when they sleep.

I was vigilant and maybe a little too anxiety ridden about their welfare.
In the end it was my husband though who I really trusted to protect us.
I knew there were certain things I had to do to be the best mother I could be.
I had to show my selfless side.

Sometimes I had to suffer so they wouldn't.
Or I had to learn to do things a different way, a better way, for them.
Being at home with them made me happy.
Being with my husband made me feel like I was at last in the right place.

It isn't always easy.
In many ways I'm surprised when I talk to my children.
Because it lets me know they're coming.
It's years away, but they're coming toward me.

Superstition

Visionary work is often overexposed or out of focus.
Say yes to adventures and memorize survival manuals.
The providence of success left me wondering what to do now.
But it was the geniuses who were audacious enough to think they couldn't be kept out.

Watch the disconnected signs vanish: the immorality, the apathy, the irresponsibility, and the laziness.
A dead end was - the truth - it stopped him.
When people "don't get" what you're doing, subsequent discoveries will amend that, in some cases.
There was the fear that empowerment would wrestle the shackles away.

She has the ability to dye her imagination any hue and to recover from anything.
Your chance for stardom is to imbue us not with feelings, but rather with life force.
The rapture of truly living cannot confine us to a zoo, there are no bars where this bird sings.
My totalitarian innocence is better than connecting the dots for you.

"Saturnia" - a definition of sanity - past and present.
The nature of man is the vessel we use to explore life, not hate it.
Cross-pollination is the device, right?
The human adventure is the desire for improvement and God.

Do a back flip, we cannot approach them directly.
Children are the "eureka" that keep everything alive.
We're working on different frequencies.
You and I.

Message From An Island

I heard an angel speak to me.
She said he loves me.
In fact, the angel is real.
She's teaching me about "helping."

And when she speaks I listen.
And I think before I speak.
But when I write to her the quotes don't add up.
I wonder if she will wonder what I'm trying to say.

"I'm" not saying anything, the books are, but it makes me uneasy.
Oh and it also makes me perplexed to have confirmation that he may in fact be in love with me.
We've been through this before.
And I'm beginning to get the feeling we may go through this again.

Is it that I'm shocked?
I did so much work creating a story in tatters behind me.
The remnants are scattered across my states.
The ruin of me.

I'm actually collected.
It's the tale that's in pieces.
Not my version, mine is almost complete.
All the other accounts are distributed chaotically - controlled chaos.

When I hear the words, "I think he loves you."
I feel like a vested part of me is brought to life.
Like a vested interest.
Break, I cannot break.

However, I can sit and think a lot.
This is what I do now.
My mind seamlessly processes everything it's fed.
My most valuable processor.

I'm shy about revealing anything too specific at this time.
To say, "tonight" or "today" gives too much away.
Strangely, I do have a secret to tell you:
Half of what I write is fact and half fiction.

I put it to you to decide which is which.
I used to only write about my direct experience.
When I fell in love, you fell in love too.
I know you felt it.

My use of the word "you" has changed.
It used to mean mainly one person in particular.
Now it mostly means "the reader."
Something is changing, inside and out.

But to have a message from an island, a place where magic is happening.
To receive a message here, in a place that makes me "stronger, harder, faster."
It means, well, it only means what it means.
And to compose a message - a poem is a message - a letter too - is a creation all it's own...

Thanks for Stating the Obvious

I sat down next to him, but I didn't realize it was him until later.
I didn't realize because for once I was wrapped up in a world separate from his - apart.
In my world I wasn't concerned if I looked fat or picked out the wrong color of lipstick.
I wasn't thinking about how my yoga teacher corrected my posture in class.
I wasn't interested in whether or not I knew the answers to everything.

When I sat down I was in my own territory, in a place not a lot of people tread.
Sometimes when I'm there I stop noticing the landscape around me.
It's like when you find yourself chewing on a jalapeno, but you never feel the spice.
Then he said my name, which almost frightened me at first.
I don't know a lot of people here.

And what was he doing in a coffee shop in Colorado?
It was absurd, even to me.
But for me to accuse someone of following me is sheer folly.
Follow me here, follow me there, follow me, follow me, everywhere.
I hope you enjoy your life underground.

Destitute time - what does that mean?
I hope I'm destitute in time.
No one wants to be destitute.
Time is always destitute.
Leave me alone - I'm destitute.

Simply lost in a reverie.
That's where you found me.
Only you didn't really find me, because I wasn't there.
I won't tell you to go away.
You always go - it's my favorite part of the day.