He never consciously knew I've been here for 27 years.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, or in a corner of his heart, he felt me.
But he wasn't truly aware of me until today.
He looked at me with surprise.
He knew I was one of his children.
But such a strange example.
And how had I done it?
Without him even knowing?
He was very confused.
God came to me on a sunny day dressed as some vagrant.
His beard was full and partially white.
His face dirty and sun-kissed.
He wore soiled, tattered clothes.
His eyes appeared as a color unknowable to the mortal eye.
One person might see green, another would see blue, and yet another light hazel.
But more than an L.A. vagrant, he looked like he had just come from a journey through the desert with his son.
There was something about his confidence and scrutiny that belayed his age.
He looked at me without fear or apprehension, questioningly.
People tend to think that God knows of every human being alive.
That he thinks of them, or cares about them.
Today I realized that he only notices you if you come to his attention.
If you don't believe in God, that may be because he gives you no attention.
If you want to believe in someone who doesn't care about you, then believe in God.
If you want to get God's attention, then go to the Devil.
The Devil is expert at getting God's attention.
God and the Devil are rivals.
If you are a useful tool to either of them, they will fight over you.
This can be fun, unless you get ripped apart.
I choose to believe in something different.
I refuse to rely on God or the Devil.
I choose not to go to heaven or hell.
And I shall remain here for no one else's purpose, save my own.
When I am done, I will spread my wings and fly away...forever...
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