Sunday, December 29, 2013

A Writer Alone

A writer sits alone and writes.
She looks up and seeks to pretend.
To be romantic, more romance, less superficiality.
The feathers around the edges of her catch the wind.

"Not now..." she says.
Always in the future.
We will be together in the future.

"Always..." she whispers.
To herself...
Already, in another day dream.
I dream day and night.

"Angel" she thinks.
"Angels carry me."
My friends, no foes.
The friendships I let drift away.

A new day, a fresh start.
Hold me tight.
"Hold me in your heart."
Hold me there.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Green Maples

The definitive stamps in the treetops.
Stamps like handprints across the sky.
Summer is the season of brilliant green tempests.
Tempestuous in its smooth, silken shudders.
I long to lay down below and slumber, rather than wilt outside of the protection.
In the safety I could bask unasked.
Growing together like old friends.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

I'd Walk A Mile

I'd walk a mile for a day alone with my best friend.
I feel alone without her good grace.
She's put together when we meet.
As girls we discuss our wedding days.

I think she's beautiful,
She thinks I am too.
Our lives run parallel.
Twin train tracks leading home.

We could wander the streets of any town and have fun.
Or simply sit at home in front of a fire.
She sings for me and not off key.
We're wired to sit listening to her latest musical creation.

I'm sorry I'm not perfect, and neither is she.
But we can ride the rails into eternity.
Tomorrow she's going back to rolling green hills.
And I am left to ponder what good friends do when they're split apart.

She says I can come live with her.
I agree, but she can come here too.
I don't know if we'll ever live together again.
But I like the idea of agreeing.

In times of change we're still best friends.
In times of strife we can hold hands.
Even if it's only a memory.
Even if she's not with me.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Cats in the Next Life

For now there are two people, but perhaps in the next life they'll be cats.
Cats speak in a different language, they speak Catonese.
In the next life they'll be of the feline persuasion.
In this life these two people are one man and one woman.

The woman feels she is never the perfect woman in the man's eyes.
The man is passionate and devoted to what he believes in.
In this life he is good at prose and weaving golden nets for fish to jump into.
Mistaken by the woman he is at a loss.

The man is waiting to become a soft cat curled in front of a fire.
He's sweet on his future life.
The man likes riddles and games.
Probably because he's good at them.

A cat's riddle is centered around wondering what's for dinner.
A man's riddle is collected over time, gain, and loss.
Ask a cat to write a poem for you and you may not get exactly what you imagined.
A cat produces obscure thoughts in tongues.

One person, the man, decided cats cannot write.
If the woman believes the man is virtuous and dignified she is not a cat.
If the man believes he is due an apology, he is most definitely not a cat.
The man and the woman may desire to become cats, but in this life they are people.

People get in fights over the most ludicrous details.
Cats fight over tuna.
Oh, that our lives could be simpler!
Instead the woman minces around wondering what to say to the man.

The man decided he had to end the romantic connection between him and the woman.
He wanted to end it face to face.
Whisker, to whisker, her nose touched his.
They are cats and this life is over.

Sunday, December 1, 2013


I went the wrong way down a beaten track.
Tricked myself and never came back.
I dragged a bag full of stuff.
And found I brought more than enough.

The sunlight shone for a couple of hours.
When it went down I couldn't make out the flowers.
Lost and lonely, sad but true.
I am a silent pedestrian dressed in blue.

If I went the other way.
Perhaps I wouldn't have to pray.
But time is short and nights are long.
I would rather be where I belong.

Above the rabble and the crowd.
I can finally sing aloud.
I feel myself growing calm.
The silence is my only balm.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Divine Mother

She practices her disciplines every day.
She makes no great attempt to be perfect, rather rests in the divine.
She is the divine mother.
When people meet her they feel safe, they love her.

The divine mother prospers from her craft.
Honing her spirituality with nature.
She contrives to drive forward through the dark, icy storms.
And her leverage is her proof.

She won't back down.
And neither will I.
If she ever needs me to have her back, it's usually once every few years.
And I'm there on the days when the wind pummels us.

I count on her.
The same face, a different space.
I want her to know I colored my face red myself.
I made myself into an angry adolescent.

The truth is her memory is great.
She remembers details I might gloss over.
Years bound, silk cords of you and me.
I wanted the power of raw love to imbibe her.

This isn't about me, it's about her.
A tribute to all the silent mothers seeking calm, steadfast waters.
If the boat tips let me be the rider.
Leave her alone, she's not the culprit.

My mother would take my place on a day my head ached to high hell.
My mother would get up early to make plans for a better life for me.
My mother raised me single-handedly, she's strong.
Trustworthy and fair, she is beautiful like the red and white flowers wrapped in the sage wreath she made.

If you stopped at nothing, maybe you should have looked around.
If you went back to pick up your child from the floor, no one would complain.
She picked me up and gave me back my toy.
This is for my mother.

A Storm Coming or Smells Like Snow

A storm is coming upon us, yes, I read the signs.
I dreamt about drugs and addiction.
I pulled a nano bug out of my cheek and a long sinew came out.
I trusted in the decision that I was to be kicked out.
The girl came to tell me.

My green-eyed friend was there of course.
He changes colors every night.
Do you know the people you are relating to?
Or are you impressed by nothing but yourself?
I am all the girls in the world rolled into one.

Lost in characters, you play your charade.
I grow calmly into a tall flower.
My stalk no longer has thorns.
Pick me if you please, my roots are strong, but don't pull them up.
I am a perennial.

I remember when I read a play about me and I balked.
I am all the definitions for crazy in the encyclopedia, but only when I need to be.
I don't need to be anymore.
Sanity is undervalued.
I hope my sanity infects you with the desire to hire four more Indigo Children for the march.

We will march into the storm and cry, icicle tears.
We are in a permanent state of freeze.
The gale is warmer than we are.
When the truth comes out you won't come running.
You are already breathing very hard, over my shoulder.

So roll the dice and take a stand.
If it's double sixes we can be together.
"If it's snake eyes you're in for a treat," said with an ominous undertone.
If you actually roll dice because of me…you're hopelessly devoted.
Any other number and I was wrong the whole time.

What is that you say? This poem isn't about storms.
I said there was a storm coming and I meant it.
Batten down the hatches and shut your doors.
Paint symbols somewhere, even if they are only small.
And remember the tiki God who flies with you as you go into the Bermuda Triangle.

Now go before you lose your nerve.
I am already on my way despite my lack of perspective in your eyes.
I am simply better at acting my part.
I am always prepared for storms whether or not I look it.
Tread lightly on rotten boards, they will fly far in the hurricane.

Grow into a kite painted purple and blue with red stars and white stripes.
Think about freedom and height.
Let the wind take you higher.
Calmly assess your direction.
And become a storm rider, rider of the storm!

When You Came

Got no money
Got no tie
Got no consequence
Got no responsibility

Taken by harlots
Lost in the rain
Bored of time
Hate the train

Gone are the memories
Gone are the beers
Broken wine glass
Sullen fears

Grown cold and icy
By the winter window pane
Gone by the time
You finally came

Tuesday, November 5, 2013


So still she sits and listens to him,
Absorbing every word.
There is a strangeness to her silence.
As if she fears breaking his flow.

She thinks he is a genius
He thinks she is beautiful.
The way she listens to him,
With her head cocked to one side.

There is something breathless about how they relate.
A tangible quality that hangs in the air.
In the dark depths of the night they keep each other company,
From afar.

There is no entanglement.
Rather a lingering.
When one dies the other will be wounded.
This is a certainty.

(16 June 2012)

Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Raccoon

Morbidity on the side of the road.
I was thinking about "him."
Wondering if I will ever stop thinking of him.
I knew he was present in my life somehow, today, and then I saw the raccoon.

His skull and jaw bone protruded from the rotting flesh.
Then I thought about all the people I know and we're all still alive.
I thought about the ones who weren't too and said a silent prayer.
Even people who we might consider forgotten must have at least one person who sees them in their mind's eye at times.

Or perhaps I was confusing myself with the dead.
I had a day last spring when I sincerely thought I had died and was nothing more than a ghost.
It was a delusion, but that's why they say delusions seem real, I really thought I had passed on.
The world isn't as fixed as we might think: I may be partially dead, which means he took me.

It's like the figure of a man wearing a mask as he pulls you into the back of a white unmarked van.
Is the giver allowed to give back?
Does the government wear a mask?
Do you like me?

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Alone With Myself

Have you ever been alone with yourself?
Everyone has and it can be fine.
Unless you don't like yourself.
I do and I wear my sunglasses at night.

I wear something sexy, smooth.
I don't cut corners.
I like flashy bags studded with gemstones.
You're playing the saxophone in a back alley.

I come upon you, clicking my heels on the pavement.
You're the usual dark suspect.
I saw you riding a fast motorcycle earlier in the day.
You didn't even pretend you weren't following me.

I don't mind it when you do.
You cut a slightly less stalkerish appearance than any man I know.
You can follow me anytime.
I promise I'll invite you in and there won't be tea.

I see you sitting and gloating, since we both know you think I'm writing about YOU.
I'm not, I'm writing about a simple fantasy I have brought on by pop culture.
Wanna pop it in your mouth.
A delicious semi-sweet fantasy.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Tomorrow is Always Gone

Yesterday grips me with so many memories.
Tomorrow teases me with promises I cannot find.
Today breeds tomorrow, born with the sun.
I am a moonlight baby.

If you dispel me you'll feel unshackled and at a loss, at the same time.
Borrow me and you'll want to own me.
I create a great illusion of love.
The question is: "Is it an illusion?"

Order me around and I'll change your home.
I'll make you keep articles reminiscent of us.
Or even just me.
Only me.

Buy one more ticket.
It'll cease to be a show, when you realize the cast.
It's an enormous production.
And I'm not the host or the star. I'm a bit player edging along the sidelines.

Never Absent

You're the kind of man who's always there.
Even when you're out of town you stay in touch.
I'm at a loss, so forgive me please.
I'm rarely sad, although I'm vaguely sorry.
Sorry about not measuring up to my own expectations in the past.

If you go a wandering I'll know for sure.
It's beneath me to say what I mean all the time.
A vague allusion to a shooting star.
Torn up inside, I have a web of scars.
Somehow I am no longer afraid of spiders.

I saw a white widow traversing a thread and I let it stay.
When I go to bed in the miniature place I live in, I think about how much better it would be with you.
You care and are careful with the items you love.
Using the word "item" makes me sound utilitarian.
Do you profess every great love?

Monday, September 23, 2013

Taken Under The Wing

When I thought I reached my last hello.
There were a few who refused to say goodbye.
They took me under the wings of love.
And they offered us to the sky.

We soared together into the great beyond.
I never knew I could go so high.
Without trepidation or fear of a fall.
I sank into the clouds.

And thought about "forgiven" and "unforgotten."
Nor risked or struck, bylines forced to die.
Where went the golden chalice.
I shored beside the way.

Is it you who opened the gate to me?
Or have I always rested inside?
Never final and never gone.
You redeemed me even when I thought redemption was beyond my grasp.

It's the mask that I wear.
Whenever we meet.
But my face looks just the same.
Always with you in a land that time forgot.

Despite the wracking pain.
I wander with you.
Our hands are clasped.
In a lover's softened mane.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Lover with the Green Eyes

Oh, hello lover with eyes so green.
You caught me every time I fell.
No one understands us.
That's the way it is, you know.

I lost myself and you were there to help find me.
We kiss and fall into the thrall of endorphins.
Lost in your grace, your complexities.
You drive me forward leading me along the way.

Anyway you still let me stay.
And we're lost in each other.
Entangled like no one else.
And perhaps it's unconditional.

Although, my mark is about to be made.
For did you know I have treasures I haven't shared with you yet?
There's more here than you may know, even now when you've explored me for so long.
Never forget the love that we've made.

Saturday, August 10, 2013


Kindness to myself is the hardest thing I can imagine doing on a regular basis.
I find myself creating conflicts.
Then it's hard to be kind to myself.
Conflicts come in all forms.

I am doing my best with what I was given.
And I am still here.
I want to relent and lay down.
But when I stand up I find the strength to go on.

I am heartbroken with myself.
I am disappointed.
But I will turn it into art.
And I'll find a new guise.

This won't be a long poem.
Just an admission that I am struggling too.
I don't know anyone who isn't, especially when they should be.
This is an admission of success to the words we found called: unconditional love.

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Count On It

Hard to see when you believe in a ghost.
An invisible man who's afraid of getting hit by traffic.
He's never far, so try not to bump into him.
I've collided with air too many times.

Material objects fly through the air without provocation.
If you get in deep enough to know.
He's the man in the dandy hat.
Grows closer to you when you're alone.

It's only then he can see who you are with yourself.
Alone, no one to front for.
No one to impress with all your tricks.
And indecipherable bliss.

And once you've grown cold and silent.
He'll know you're close to the edge.
He'll come to claim you if he can.
His name is nothing and he's not even related to the man we call "death".

If death follows you around take it as a compliment.
He's only ensuring your passage through life.
Every death threat and every bomb dismantled creates a cloak.
It's only when they miss the mark and you're blown away that you can't stay for another day.

Say I had a gift called foresight and I used it every chance I got.
And pretend I could forecast someone else's fate.
Wouldn't that be a valuable commodity.
Useless when choosing a set of lottery numbers, cause that's not how it works.

In emergencies people have been known to exert superhuman strength.
I've heard the story of someone lifting a car, saving a person trapped.
The price we pay for saving someone's life isn't always stiff.
It's only high if we misjudge, never sacrifice yourself unless it's a final choice.

Put yourself in front of the bullet and you'll pay a price.
Especially if it was intended for family or friend.
I can defend myself better in a mental game of war.
If I see you coming in my mind's eye I might devise a plan.

This isn't a warning or an attempt to out myself.
It's just a dialogue about how we might work from time to time.
Send in an assassin and you've definitely crossed a line.
My grandfather John Donovan taught me nothing, I never met him, but I heard the stories.

He was OSS, his cover journalism.
My grandmother and my mother suffered some of the consequences.
Our men who work in intelligence always bring secrets that can't be explained or repeated, families broken and torn.
Black suits, black cars come to question the women and children and it's not against the law.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I Stopped By

I stopped by just to say hello.
You were gone.
So, I hung around your window.
Your sister said you'd be back around 12.

I went to the park and sat on a swing.
My ponytail brushed back in the wind.
I talked to the neighbor, tried to waste time.
Hungry for your face, hungry for your eyes.

You're always asleep.
And I'm always tied up.
By conspiracies and undiscovered mysteries.
Grow up please.

They tell me I'm the girl who's forever young.
And you're the man who's never done.
Find me if you dare.
I'm closer to here than there.

Wonder Over What's Gone.

After it has left you you're wondering what happened.
You tried to make sense of it all.
You wrote down some thoughts.
And you brought out the big guns.

Mindfucking is essential at any given time.
Pardon my french.
The poetry of a modern day Cinderella.
From the ashes to what?

There are no red carpets for me.
I'm a writer finding the time.
I might not mind.
You know I never mind.

Keep the sequences in order.
And perhaps you'll be of the same mind.
Or pare down the innocuous parts.
Stay the same and tame the art.


Silent in his dark room full of promises.
He waits, drinking interminably, thinking alone.
Growing colder inside, the passion fades like stars aging in the limelight.
Sitting and growing older, more set in his ways.

It's night after night of constant plays.
Running through corridors, striking fast, making tracks.
Sinister waterfront warehouses hiding secrets of past, present, and future.
Absolute bliss in the knowledge it's done.

What he came for has happened.
Where he's going is glum.
Depression sets in over love lost and gone.
The light that he was drawn to is hidden away.

A place he can't reach, by his doing and device.
The mechanism inside goes tick tock.
Extraneous noise vibrates in the most unpleasant way.
A baby's cry sounds like the devil at work.

And he's afraid on the bus of what he wants to do to the slut in the skin tight yellow dress.
He wants to cut her down, like an awkward antelope separated from the herd.
And do what he wants with nothing held back.
There in the courtyard, the yard filled with debris.

It's not him I see when I open my eyes.
But he's watching from a distance.
Finalizing his plans.
And the mayor is running, his face is deadpan.

The CIA thought they could swing it today.
But instead they found that there was no play.
In consequence we brought all the ammo we could.
And in the end, the ammo was wood.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Forget Me Not

Forget me not, she said to herself, as she looked in the mirror.
Narcissus at the pond, staring at his own reflection.
Name me a face and I'll name you a name.
Reminders of a lost tomorrow.
Sometimes sounds like forever after.

My emotions boil, covered.
Imagery of dinosaurs and tar pits.
Wherever you are, you are not far.
And when I'm alone I'm happy.
With others I am frequently happy too.

Sorry is another hereafter.
And final sale means final sale.
When I'm off on another planet dictating to the sun.
People dream of demon people.
We're off and on, like light switches.

Don't speak about another language unless you're prepared to stand behind it.
Don't further yourself from your goal.
Do find reasons to grow any day of the week.
Do create something inside yourself you can hold in your heart.
Do remember the moments that shaped you.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Heavenly Moment

This morning I washed my face in the bathroom and heard the crows outside the window.
I thought about how every time I leave the house there's a moment when I connect to the outside world.
I bought a book at an antique bookstore, something by Margaret Atwood, I think she's Canadian.
I wandered down the street and caught the sun.
Instant gratification parsed out to everyone.

And another day is done and I'm glancing back over the fragments.
I wrote something I can't possibly post.
It's too factual and easy to pin down.
I like to squirm under the microscope.
Make it harder to know why I write.

In blatant rejection of the simple terms I find myself drawn back to.
The history of me or you, or me and you.
And in my silence there is always noise.
Like static to electricity.
I wear my letter, capital A.

Faded jeans even you are gone now.
I have nothing but patches in my quilt.
Patches make a quilt.
And beyond the comfort grows my coffee tree.
Doling out caffeine, giving me energy.

Forgotten ones are you afraid?
Are you afraid of the bed you made?
I'm not lost, but my tracks are bare.
I left behind a trail in the heather and sage.
Broken branches twisted and snapped twigs.

Heavenly dystopia grant me one wish.
I have a suggestion: make it number two on the list.
The worker bee who listens to Queen all the time.
Finds himself constantly serving her wealth.
On the outer edges of hive bureaucracy there's less about her and more about me.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

In Hindsight I Cease to Fight

The great expanse you left between us is nothing but your love.
And between the rocky outcrops where men lie in wait to defend the mountaintop fortress high above the city.
Turrets where radical elements spin winter tales about how the men stood tall and went out to fight for their families and for themselves, in plunder.
Wives and children silently, soberly, sit awake missing young men not as young anymore but spent: their integrity sound despite anger brewed by misapprehension and fear.
Power is nothing but lust incarnate and these are husbands not lovers who have no word for sin.
Children rise with bleary eyes...for they couldn't outrun the sandman on such a strict bedtime schedule.

Faked you out, compromised my name, while you bluffed to yourself while I stood and watched.
I showed you what I intended, logic told you no, until you got the courage to try my creation for yourself and the entanglement is true.
We ducked and feinted, nevertheless in time, mercurial lakes can shatter and/or split.
If you tread thin ice either steel yourself for a watery descent or move faster than the faults.
Rush as fast as you can, sliding into position, like a runner going for the base.
In Odysseus' story he could never find peace, since his nemeses derailed him from his home, never left in peace to reside.

Ego-driven Western world, the east is built on traditional expectations and what's inside of us.
In contempt for all blind, dumb, pariahs who sing for shekels, disabled partners, deaf, and lovesick kindred we're ignoring lessons.
Simply put he taught me to be the victim of myself, so God could come knocking and teach me in case.
Hopeless lost child I went down the wrong path, but came back armed for any impasse.
The skeleton writer clacks at his keys looking for signs of the girl and the path that she took, trying to follow, to know, or to grasp her design, which she wove from disappointments sudden but fair at the time.

A story's mighty character is bound by truth visualized.
By my maker in a copse of hard wood encircled by colorful thread.
He glanced at us in good humor, despite all the fuss, because his agenda is senior to both of our attended to plans: endings to endings we lived our dark sides out.
I traded useless foam and formica for a better raft minus the patch.
When I searched the glittering shore I found many weapons and saw dead burial ground.
But sand is like salt as ale is to brine complete reversal in time.

And in the space I made for myself I intoned to Libra "balance the scales."
Read smoke signals made from tinder and flint, I absquatulate the island reserved for no one, quick I run the sails, yet sorry I lost the current, found myself one of nine ships tasked to conceal our direction by separate courses at random.
I asked Homer to give me a clue and he stated the obvious.
Give your audience what they want when they want it and never when they do not.
Minerva listened to Telemachus since what he said made sense despite his uncertain position as a potential heir to Odysseus, which raises legitimate paternal question marks in many places.

Last night I opted out, while you primed yourself to lose ground, I asked and now I'm given--double entendre micromanaged, silent and impatient for the spikes interrelated, piquing high stakes security surveillance, the cameras run on blood.
Reptiles are cold, not patient, sluggish and slow they rely on outside sources of heat for pleasure.
Jagged shooting light syncopated to the rhythm of some other aspect I relied on, a quivering in my chest as I watch the death rattle suggest an that an octopoly is eight parts, for polyamorous hearts.
I took a headcount and we're unequivocally missing one persona non grata I could guess it'd be due to obstacle courses where you can't afford to trip unless it's to fall below the bullet raking the air, impunity by seconds faster than you could devise a worthy thought.
And the sum isn't equal, total only in part, the listing ship weathers vibrant hurricane.
Stowaway caught by a live rope on the ship, heaved her overboard, but the crew gave no notice and resounding facts without invitation or indentured servitude nothing saves uselessness and despondency embraced.

Luck gave her chase and though lost in unfamiliar place out of reach, she crested the waves, and breached to lungs burning in relief.
Finding her body stricken with ghastly morbidity without the usual helping hands, lost at nature's devilish foil, her approach to dignify a structure that binds her like a crutch standing you up beyond your clout.
Some stranger in a dinghy comes close to hear sodden cries, lacerations made by fibrous rope, initially meant to tie to lifesaving device impaired her judgement and brought her in with another crew.
These tactics don't teach us more than we already know.
For useful beginnings garner a place earned in history by lessons entirely free for the giver and without a tangible key.
Despite all the racket over mistaken bread, I am charging the lines provincial matter like thought cerebellum instead.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Synergy brought us together and it will rip us apart.

This is a poem lucky and true.
If I can't outwit him, than neither can you.
But you tried to be fixed in your decisions.
Understanding the revisions and the incisions.

Impressed with himself he steps on the prepared grand façade.
As long as I live images will always deceive me and I nod.
Dowdy love has a place in the long-run.
Expecting a below the margin profit, under the gun.

Suddenly he's reversed.
Anagram to your double negative and he cursed.
I tried to be like a sappy lover.
Inanimate one, I am the cover.

I cover up the spills and inner grief with a gift.
It's not like the other halfway presents I gave you before the rift.
Happy men are not at fault.
Ginger are the fingers cut with salt.

Undiscovered still by my deep hiss.
Being there is a nebulous kiss.
Noon feels like the dueling hour.
Hunger is done and eats of silences sour.

You pass and I'll wait.
No remorse for files, hard copies by state.
"Alea Iacta Est."
And with it came a test.

You shall be patient and kind.
And never looming in your mind.
Gone are the memories so rightfully won.
Beg only for the right to work, borrowing none.

Non is a nice way of saying no.
I will learn my lines by woe.
Fickle animal who is hidden.
By all the vitriolic ribbon.

Quondam by any clock.
Hurry is the building block.
Interested in his introspection.
Candy to the predilection.

No Fear hastens wandering bystanders to cry.
Before you I will blandly try.
Heat like the sand paper polishing away.
Never mind me, veils reveal highlights and shadows in decay.

Plus satin sheets and tears arming me for you.
Hidden mansions by your twilight, made for two.
Silent in the evening, mow the lawn if you have time.
Assumption by want of desire beating a sign.

Myrtle and grace went out a walking.
Bitter crooked forks find humorless retorts and halting.
Gory details packed away in odorless recessed space.
Linger now for you have been misplaced.

Drink of my hidden spring bubbling north by Abruzzo.
Berries are arcane, brambles darken pathways better than you know.
So surrender yourself to thematic prose when you hear the words unlock the soul.
I joke better when I am anathema to your droll.

Smile and remember the book Uncommon Carriers.
Enervation et alia I suppose.
Belt slack and unprepared.
Random differentiation die spent and spared.

I spent more time being less obtuse.
My cart hastened by how hard I tried to pull it loose.
Song before I wed on a third day of June.
I wasn't thoughtful in a clever way by rune.

In your heart there is an answer back in terrifying tone and stammering lead.
Slob in hellian prideful need.
Be my master, wonder why it hurts as much as it quenches.
I found my anthem on a post-it note bereave me of my stenches.

Ordinary singular man in charge base and flaccid by safety's sake.
Soon bottles open wounds, whore in scarlet aliteration or prestidigitation's wake.
Formerly known as Finnegan, bones now browned altered by his lover's deal.
When we pay homage to the dead I am of sound mind we don't want to partake in that meal.

Be dissonant, twice the strain.
Singer note the harmonies, the amicable chord is a refrain.
Jar the essence of tropical flowers without chemicals and the fetid aspect shows.
Never handled, only finessed, by thorns drip gagging foes.

If your song was brought on by flute I would pick up lyre.
Exonerate me breadth of an inch, compromised badly by recognition higher.
If it was a cinch how could it be underestimated beginning where we stood.
If you are high water, I am the shore, changed like our names in sanctity where there is never good.

High property taxes handed off before his time.
We grew complacent and drank in the pine and wine.
Blessings are good aplenty, but the hardship taught the hardest, primeval spark how to grow.
Sunshine your bindings and release my victim in innuendo if not liberty for show.

Kindred hearts that bind themselves into a makeshift cage.
Tender wire of glass on a stage.
Enmeshing is not healthy or safe it is novice and weak.
Sounds in France are broken when you speak.

Disenchanted lover why went you to Paris by your private jet?
Last one standing beyond the minds I met.
Dangled like a burden soon to be cast off in prayer.
I shot the lids right off those bottles, I created a lesser care.

Silences are never hard to come by when I am hard on myself.
Breached contracts and settlements, predisposition for wealth.
Hooks like yours are hard to follow in my position.
Never crown the jester, bring back real sedition.

Overplayed by a few, doomed, intractable days wore the burnt out sombre hue I was allied with in spirit.
Formerly the fresh breath of air, now stale and expended for good and none go near it.
Human being you are all kinds of danger till you find your ambrosia from the Gods.
Dressed down stains and assorted timid glances fend off those overanxious nods.

Your solid lawyers have not stamped the sheckled pages with approval en masse.
See past your vision by letting the horizon lead you on in bombast.
Never felt cinders by the cinderblock.
Friends your flames are sent for you in the number we call luck, superstition is a mismatched interlock.

When the teeth do not fit the jaw in the trap.
I minted myself and beat you to the chase until bitten by your slap.
Demeanor is free when you're riding with me.
But laughter and silken words are not a negotiable, lots of life soften my lee.

My Love

My love is relentless.
If the challenge is not large enough I am clearly not worth it.
Despite my attempts I lose every battle.
Since I'm not the one who's directing.
She sells herself as chattel.

And if you dare to compare her to another woman.
Contempt and scorn are brought to table.
When I was born I fell in love.
And from that day forward love worked it's magic, my first addiction.
To this day if I had my way I might prefer less fire in my chart.

Sad eyes are welcome young and wide like a vessel.
But over time you'll tire of that too.
Eyes bright and wet with dew.
And so I say, "Let your dreams drift away...and see if they return one day."
You are only as free as you choose to be.

Kissing cousins is never fair.
And looking back I stood the ground I had.
An island, silken sand.
And even in the worst of times it was not without you.
Your shadow passed a golden sun across my view.

So tend your flock and raise your staff.
As in the text it's a craft.
And when you rise I rise up too.
I am not.
Not you too.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

How Does Your Love Grow?

Mine grows in time with the moon.
I am finding my way with arms outstretched.
I don't want to fall down the mine shaft.
There are crystals down there that grow clear as ice and water.
I thought there was a dragon afoot.

I was reading a book and wondering where I went wrong.
Humanity is still.
Our movements are slow.
If you turn a boulder over you might find something nasty.
Better under the Boulder than in your hand.

The worst part is in your head.
Or when you hold me and feel so responsible...for me.
I wasn't going to be held accountable for our demise.
Or maybe I was and am.
But that was then and this is now.

And I am awake in the morning and you stay up all night.
Or rather the best sounds to you are my fingers on these keys.
If I prepared something silent and secret for you would you drink it like an elixir to all your wounds?
You might have created your own elixir, who needs mine?
And we're trading each other with each other like a choreographed number from Guys and Dolls.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

The I of My Storm

Finally everything became clear.
He was not the perpetual guy that never said no or sorry.
He was what I wasn't looking for, and made me underestimate the power...
The power of the great escape.
When I wasn't looking there was action in his ways.
And he never told me that I was the wrong one.

I was always wrong, but he was never lost on me.
I hope he can remember that I love the way he works.
The way his fire commands passion is not always the same.
And in my heart I know that now I am never going to be safer.
Safer with the man who showed me how to live in a new light.
And if anyone ever questions this great writer my worst side may show.

He kisses like honey and he melts my heart.
With his sweet demeanor and his intellectual prowess.
I never knew who he was until tonight.
I was afraid that he might be someone who just wanted a conquest.
But then I realized that he's into the real deal.
And he's not about avoidance unless there's too much pain or silly pretenses to grow up....

If I ever loved the one that I lost.
I know now I am better for it.
Because love doesn't give you anything unless you have the tenacity to be willing to sacrifice.
The green-eyed man loves green too.
He warms my soul with his pink and red crescendoes.
Crescendoes that come from that place called channeling.

Although he is going to cut me off.
Because I am no writer and I am going soft.
There was never a time that I was more vulnerable, is that true?
Perhaps you are the one who discovered the infinity sign.
And took it for yourself.
The Golden Rule that he made up is still in effect.

Because he's never wrong and doesn't mis-protect.
He once told me I was the last one in the room who's opinion we should trust.
And I was so happy to hear that.
Since I am always making people think that I know the answers.
Do or don't, I won't be there.
Instead there's a promise that should never be broken.

The promise is that I am hearing voices.
Does that make sense?
No. It's just a transition into the nonsense that rules my mind.
He made me feel from a distance what I was worth.
And that changes the game 
from zero-sum, to none. 
        ~ Two won
     ~ Three…
   ~ 2.. 
~ One.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

In the Summertime Sadness

I don't think about what happened a lot.
I always think of the smarter financial decisions I could have made.
After the fact.
Then I stay inside my cocoon.
If you blame me, then blame yourself.

I just want to eat.
And feel all the feelings I love in between.
And hopefully always be wrong.
Or perhaps never be back.
Are you the final frontier?

I was never a spy.
Just a girl who ate grapes beside the cherry tree.
Now I have no future or past.
Will you be mine?
Oh, mine indeed.

If you were worried before then forget your fear.
I will never be nearer.
To you than I am every day...approaching the fight of my life.
Is it now?
I think so, the fight of my life is and always will be NOW.

Friday, June 21, 2013

You Were the Blackest Grape

When I bit into you you broke my skin.
Does that make sense?
I am being taught how to be a real writer now.
Maybe I'll write for The Rag?
I am simultaneously writing a script for you in my mind.

Maybe now that I am depressed I can be a good writer.
Depressed or alone...or too stupid to not you.
Plus, I swear Jimi Hendrix is playing on my Pandora Sail channel so nothing could be much stranger.
Alright watching Bryan Cranston fall is always something.
And we nod from our separate locations.

You are not the absolute toughest though. I can remember tougher.
A tougher day?
And what else?
Wanna tell me about it?
I almost died at Starbucks.

I would probably have called the paramedics a little earlier.
When it was before I soaked my chair in sweat.
I cannot wait until the 4th of July. Independence Day!
We can all march around in our little red, white, and blue suits.
What could be dumb about that?

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Hardest Thing

The worst part is losing your warmth.
I feel lost and alone.
Like nothing can replace the attention you gave me.
I am an empty shell of what I was with you.
I feel like I can't continue.

Do you even miss me?
I want to lay down and give up.
It's cold and heartless without your passion.
Without your touch...
Your fire seemed to drive me and now I am nothing.

I am wilted and sad.
With nothing left to go for.
There is no one wanting me or taking me to heart.
I wonder if you feel the same sense of loss.
Or if the chains that bound you are broken.

If I was a chain that made you feel sick I am sorry.
My links to you are all gone.
I left something in your old bathroom entirely by mistake.
Will you throw it all away or save it?
My time with you was running out anyway, but this is something I can't come back from.

The fire that was burning in my heart is dead.
The embers are lost and I am put out.
I thought there was magic here in L.A.
But it was only you and you never wanted me to stay.
I am going to die and live another day.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

You Are a Mystic

In terms of love and war I am lost
I never knew where you stood
Because you never told me
I wish I was dead
Honestly I wish it was over every day

Call a suicide hotline and they will tell you they don't have the time
Tell someone who was there and they will care
I was once someone who fought
Now I fight with only touches of love and glory
I will work hard

My apologies were accepted and we laughed
That made me feel supported
By the strong and sweet
If you tell me to be a better person
Than you are too late

I already made that date
I am too loved to try to be hate
I am the flowers in your trust
I am the love in your life
So don't mistake me for a hater

Friday, June 14, 2013


Once I took my possessions apart.
I broke open trinkets and ripped the seams of bags made in China.
It was only after the damage was done that I realized...
The objects we own are sometimes fatal.
And the air I was breathing was filled with lead dust.

I stuffed some old jewelry into a bottle full of foundation for my face.
I unraveled my clothes looking for clues and all I found out was how they were made.
I unlocked my treasures looking for gold.
Instead I made a ruin, I made a huge mess.
What I uncovered or accomplished I really don't know.

I know I was left with a disaster, more for me to clean up.
But even worse mentally I was fraught.
The decisions I make always make me feel like a fool.
The choices are stupid and the outcome is nil.
Although I do assume that there is no one like me and there never will.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Love Left

I thought I finally made it.
I thought this was the last time we would be apart.
But then I was wrong, again, and my heart was torn apart.
I hardly ever second guess and maybe that's my problem.
I think I know the way it will be.

And then I get hit with reality.
The truth is that I am the one who is always wrong.
People devise schemes for me to walk the straight and narrow.
But I am me and I never see any results.
I see things that people tell me are in my head.

If you want me to think that I will and I can.
But I won't be the same person and I won't be who I am.
Today I learned that I am willing to suffer pain for something I don't understand.
I am willing to do it, because I know it's better than the alternative.
This is not a suicide letter, it's a confession from my heart, my soul wants to die and I am still alive.

How do I survive when I don't want to live?
The reason is that it's too hard and I don't have the strength.
I don't believe what people say despite some rare cases.
And I don't have the thing that I thought I had.
I thought I was in love, but instead I was deluded.

The thing is that he's always there for me, but never in the way I want him to be.
By the way there is a man I can't relate to anymore.
He may be disappointed that I am not the one.
Instead he can find his way.
And I'll be there when he's done.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013


Underneath the pain there is prosperity.
And beneath the shame there is courage.
The daisy grows despite the drought.
And the mule bares his load diligently.

In truth there is nothing humanity won't do for what they believe in.
Even if that means they believe in nothing.
Then they are doing everything in their power to achieve nothing.
In the past our planet was full of mismatched countries.

We are swirling together to create a whole, it spins like a galaxy.
This is a special time in our history, a turning point.
We need to recover from the labor we put into it.
Let the next generation have a place to breathe.

In the space we created there is less value placed on intellect.
Our most valuable possession is our home.
I won't preach about the environment.
This is not a science fiction novel, and we are not moving to Mars.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Just Cause

If I had a just cause I never said so.
The other day I went to church and saw a statue in the yard.
It was of a woman who had a calm expression.
It made me feel fine.

So, I went and prayed.
I asked God to give me the power of patience.
Something I had only as a small child.
Can a child be more patient than an adult?

Now that I am grown up I am more hurried.
And I watch my life pass by in a rush of movement.
Or rather, I delve into the depths at the threshold of my soul.
Hoping to find what I lost.

A therapist once told me that I would pull the tree of my life up by the roots when I was ready.
Only then would I be able to start fresh.
I told him that I left my heart in L.A. and I would have to go back to reclaim it.
I went back and I found my heart here.

It was waiting for me, protected by the best.
Now that I have my heart can I keep it safe?
Maybe my friends will borrow it and give it away.
My heart is made of paper and glass.

Friday, May 31, 2013

I Am Me Too

I like to drive cars fast. 
I like to drink black coffee.
I am part of the new generation that is rising out of the ashes.
We're not phoenixes though, we're simply who we are.
I am me again.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

What's A Thought? When you're in love.

I was wondering what you're thinking?
'Cause I honestly don't know.
Would you dare me to guess?
Perhaps there's something missing.
I am not expert, but I can guess.

How was your day?
Is there sinuosity in my vibe?
I can't spare another second.
I am going to take the last straw I have and thrown it into the water.
What's done is done and I don't want to go up against you anymore.

I'm sorry I was such a hardass.
It wasn't my fault.
My parents raised me that way.
If we're going to go back, then perhaps I can astound you some more.
You better believe I am in love.

It's not easy to love someone so much.
Especially since you'll go away as I predicted.
And yet, it's not over yet.
Are you sorry I sent you on a errand at the right moment in time?
I'm not.

I'll never say never.
But I will always be forever.
Forever is with me.
That was rough.
You made me feel what you were feeling.

And I get it, it was hard.
You are more wounded than even I.
So who better to teach me to cope?
I am in love with a man who teaches me the ropes.
In every game and every day that I live.

How can I possibly survive without such a man?
I'l never recover from his energy and vibe.
The absolute coolest man I have ever met in my life.
Is coming home to me now.
And I am going to share something difficult for me.

It's not easy, it's not easy.
But when there is something beyond the ordinary I am prepared for any response.
Anything can happen.
I am sure.

To Robert Donahue

I know you don't exist.
Does he?
Sorry for any complications.
I was just being obstreperous.
Or rather finding my way in the dark.

What's your number?
Wanna chat?
Or is that something that D would rather do?
D is available all week.
Remember, "Don't hide".

How Could You?

I came across something today and honestly I can't say I am shocked.
More than anything I was grateful.
Thank you love!
I love you more than I know, not more than you know.
It's unfortunate that you wouldn't take offense either way.

You would be there for me no matter what, that has been proven.
I am inconsequential to everyone, but you in my eyes.
The only person I really see is you.
And I trust you explicitly.
Truly I do.

Even when the cards are down.
I know you'll come through.
You and me in gentle motion.
Feeling each other for the first time.
Before it was all foreplay, it's the real deal now.

And I will be honest with you tonight.
Because I can't stand the idea of a fight.
And I know you'll be gentle.
Please don't get sentimental.
I love only you, but I am willing to diverge if that's in the path you've mapped out.

Just remember we can only go back and forth so many times.
I am never fine without you and you're still going and coming.
You're in the running my dear in a big way.
You are going to make those fools pay.
I won't lay down again the next time you make me frown.

Back down and you may find me waiting.
Don't back down and I would rather be flying alone.
You are the one who doesn't back down, not me hun.
I am the best at backing down.
That's my new strategy anyway, you got me!~

I said, "Fuck you..." too many times.
I was out of line.
But we're not playing the same.
And I am secure and safe now for the first time in God-know's-when...
You moved fast, faster than me.

But we both remember that I own a "but"...
And you're not going to get away easy with me.
'Cause I have Stanley Preschutti the HAM man.
He's going to have some steak.
Jesus do I ever get a break?

I was wondering how you worked it all out.
Now I am suffering again for an error in judgement.
Sorry it's not about what you think.
It's rather something minor and undecided.
I can't light you up!

I don't approve of smoking.
Now I am getting the highlights.
From my source on the inside.
Covered, I am covered all the time.
Whether it's by you or him.

He's jealous now for sure.
And my heart is breaking.
God, I feel like a slut.
What? For what?
Trust me it's worth it.

Every single time I see your face when I do the wrong thing...I sing inside.
I am singing now.
To myself and about a dozen others.
Go find yourself, and then come back.
I'll be here in the tomb waiting.

What Can I Do?

Who do I write about now that I'm with you?
Who do I fixate on and obsess over?
How can I continue to be inspired when I have what I want?
I may not have it forever, but I know I have it now.
After all the pining and the grieving.

Now I am free of that pain, but another one replaces it.
The fear of losing what I have.
The itching feeling that as usual I have missed something big.
I am not here to be your plaything and I am not here to make you sad or sorry.
I am only here to borrow time and try to have what I want.

Do I disclose too much?
And when I do do you love me less?
I am still so insecure and I can feel the deep unrest.
If tomorrow I left would you be lonely?
Would you wish we were still laughing and painting and maybe trying to understand what has changed?

It's a mess all right, but a clean mess.
It's a mess that I happen to like…again and again…
I'm so sorry I missed the point for so long.
Now I am doing better.
Still the same old song.

If I was bewildered before, then now I am clear.
Only on one thing though: I will not back down.
I am drawing a hard line.
I've been forming compromises for too long now.
And I can't keep that up!

I am sorry my family is disappointed.
I never meant for that to be the truth.
But it's the way I made it happen.
So really what's the use?
I can't be a pawn, or a cat, or a nice sincere girl.

Instead I'm full of riddles and I'm not sure who to tell them to.
Maybe you, probably not, since we're simply spending time.
We're not on the hunt or on the prowl.
We're not trying to win at anything.
We're just being how we want to be at any given time.

I was wrong you're not who I thought you were.
You are someone else completely.
Someone I still don't understand?
How can that be?
Am I blind, lost, dumb?

I was wondering when you would take back your crown.
And wear it on your head: garland of leaves for the dead.
Wondering again, and I am Alive.
So fear me not and I will fear you.
Make me wonder and I will make you too.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

The Kiss

When I think of the perfect kiss.
It's always with you.
I'm compliant, because I need your lips on mine.
I want to bend to you.
Become one with that pair of luscious lips.

Somehow I'm greedy for more.
But that's the way you planned it.
I'd sort of like to turn you down.
But when I'm the one wanting...
It's an impossibility.

I'm all turned around.
But in this current tragedy I hope it's public.
Kissing you in front of a group seems hot.
They watch and can't stop...can't peel their eyes away.
And later they fantasize about what we have.

I'm in love with a bad boy.
He's viciously mean, but never to me.
Did I say never?
It's true...anything that's happened to was my own mistake.
I can feel the burn and the bite.

I'm in lust with an animal all right.
When he's ready to take me I'll moisten my lips with my tongue.
Glossy and lips are saying "Take me..."
How sad, it's just a dream, but I have memories.
I'm still waiting for his retort.

All I'm asking for is one little kiss.
A kiss can make a day brilliant.
When you're trembling on the verge.
And I'm hoping, hoping for more.
It's not a constant, but it's always there.

And if instead you decided to kiss another.
I might watch amused, because it would never be like it is with me.
There's something tantalizing about confidence.
Don't you think?
And if I wandered away.

I have the inkling that you might get really mad.
Like when I grabbed my bag and left that night.
Or when I undercut you, because I couldn't have you myself.
The timing was all wrong.
Will it ever be right?

I do a lot of thinking and hoping and playing with maybes.
But my name keeps coming up.
That much I know and I don't know much.
If anyone has been kept in the dark...that would be me...
Does the sun come out in your world when you see me?

I'm never happy, never satisfied.
I bet you're counting on that.
So, when the chips fall in place am I your ace?
I was wondering...ha!
It's always when I'm alone that I feel so worthless.

And I'm alone a lot.
You on the other hand always seem busy.
With people, things, money, business, banking your way to the new age.
Have I aged?
I glanced at my passport and I finally agree, "Yes, I have."

I'm really not that bad.
Just lonely and sad.
But as usual I'm the one that makes it.
How simple to keep your trust.
Even when I don't mean to I feel I do.

Even when I'm lost in the park.
In my heart I am still alone with you.
But being alone with you might not be enough for me.
Like I said, I would like a display.
I was hoping for something...something any day.

You're my boss.
You're in charge.
What I find sexy has always been clear.
Most men never stand a chance with me.
Although I do adore the timbre of the male voice.

If I was ecstatic I doubt I would be writing.
Plus it's more coherent than usual.
Less symbolic and more defined.
The definition is my desire for your kiss.
Forget about love, I don't want that.

I request only one thing.
The kiss.
The kiss that'll lead me away from that mountain we've been climbing down.
I won't even call you baby.
I swear I'm done with that.

Oh, God, but that kiss.
I've got to, have to have it.
Especially now it's so built up.
I'm not sure you can make it real.
But mainly cause I barely get my way.

Anyone who thinks I'm spoiled is wrong.
I'm not living large, but not complaining either.
However still stuck at some way station...waiting...
Not sure for what.
But I know I didn't want that to happen.

Don't you see I had no choice?
I barely have my own voice.
If I'm not worthy then someone clue me in.
Only one kiss.
Can you give me this?

My lips choose you, they want you.
In more than one way.
Even when I'm begging.
Fine I didn't want you anyway.
It's all an act, that's all it's ever been.

Sometimes I think you don't remember.
You don't know your own life like I know mine.
But then again you are from a different dimension.
Mine might be alluring to you in a similar way.
The way I love to fall into yours.

I can't do it on my own.
Plus I'm tired.
The games don't entice me.
I'm too far removed.
An existence that doesn't improve.

So what if I'm like a child?
I can't help it.
That's just the way I am.
So when you're loving on me you feel a bit shady.
It's something I've only just realized.

The moment I'm done waiting for you you'll come around.
As predictable as the moon bright on a hot summer night.
I think what I'm looking for is coherence.
Or a way to trick either you or myself.
I was hoping for a climax.

Instead, I'm still lingering on how much I want that kiss.
I want it so much I can't feel anything.
I'm completely numb to my own desire.
I'm wilting in this raging fire.
Truly I might expire.

My backup is coming.
And he'll be by my side.
The sidekick with the long stride.
And we'll run and play.
Maybe you'll call me one of those days.

Pink, soft, moist, and mellow.
But really it has more to do with the setting.
I can't control energy.
And I have nothing left.
You've wrung me out.

Friday, May 24, 2013


This isn't going to be about chess so don't get too excited, yet.
I was going to drone on about some invisible man who listens in.
But instead I'm going to check the mate.
How about all you boys and men out there?
The ones I've had and loved.

What happened to you? Was it me?
If that's what happens to men who love me then why bother?
Seriously silly boys.
Next please!
She, and that means me, is definitely a man eater.

Everyone else should run if they see me.
Head for the hills.
I've got more fucked up people than I have pills.
And trust me that's no exaggeration.
Can you all stand the love I am throwing your way right now?

Can you stand it boys?
Because you are all babies you boys I loved.
This is not about me, it's all about you.
It's about how hard you try to hang on when it's gone, baby, gone.
I was done with you when I met you.

Why? Because I had you all figured out.
Did you ever understand me?
Thought you did, didn't you?
Maybe ya did and that's why I am sitting here.
Sitting not standing, not my favorite position.

I wanna stand and run, never sit or cry or fall.
Actually falling is great.
Impact even, God the pain can be just right.
Right on time!
Hey! Women! Female friends...where are you hiding?

There was only one woman I knew once who even tried.
Been a while since I saw her breathing like a normal human being.
I was about to relent and give up, but in all honesty I don't have much time now.
I have a painting to finish and it's going to diminish me in a big way.
That's all I can say, it's going to end the threat I was under.

The threat? Isn't that what you wanted, needed, had to have?
Yes, I had to have the threat. I had to have a big death threat. The art. The art.
I had to have a number placed on my life.
I was living in danger trying to survive.
That's the Sagittarius in me.

He shot the artwork through my heart and now I have a place in a part.
A place in a part of hair.
In the underground lair.
I am at the bottom of the ocean.
So, try, please threaten me I don't care!

I am real, if not all human.
Please God don't make me say more.
I am certifiable in an extremely expensive way.
So what can I buy time with when I have no money?
I can't, I cannot, I will not buy any more time.

Oh please, I was broken a long time ago.
Your obsessions are honestly killing me.
If you, if you need me you know what to do.
Just feel your heart beating and you'll know I am there with you.
Let me go! Your acts are no longer justifiable...they are all circumvented.

I have no need to intervene myself.
I have a circle of friends all around me.
And every single one wants to get close to me.
But none of them can.
They are close, but I am untouchable.

I can't land!
I'm sailing a ship straight for hell.
If Hollywood is hell where am I going?
If you are lost and now I am free when was I lost?
There is a vast expanse of death all around me.

Too many eyes have taken me in.
But I was there too!
My eyes bled blue.
Jesus is in love with you.
God you're sick!

I once had a strong, straight whipping stick.
I whipped every one around me with it subconsciously.
And they suffered and I gained.
Now they're wondering why they took the pain.
I once had a long whip that I cracked over other people's backs.

They all hated me and threw me down.
They wished I wasn't beautiful but instead they're dead.
That wasn't a stick and it wasn't a whip.
That was my way of getting them to see.
If you're not running, buying, loving in a very sexual way, or making an amazing play, then you're mostly just losing and will get thrown away.

Oh well, what can I do?
I'm just an imbecile with some outdated equipment, a horse with no shoe.
I'm just a fox who's got nothing to do.
Or a crazy person who never had a clue.
My rhyming isn't even consistent...damn sorry I totally missed it.

Anyway, since today is my unbirthday I thought I would stay.
And surround you with words of nothing you've ever heard the like.
And maybe later I'll spike your drink and take you back to my room.
Where we'll run around like maniacs that no one ever found.
And in the end I was just hoping that the bathtub would be a good place to drown...

When she makes it real thugs really cut to the chase.
Is this a funfest or a race?
I thought it was a race...but who and what are we racing?
We're like groundhogs all out on the wrong day.
I think I can smell my own decay.

This is all wrong. Can we do another take?
I would rather appear cute. modest, and highly opaque.
Hopefully pretty, with a button nose, eyes that glimmer, and perky action in all the right places.
Christ, who taught me this word game?
I'm kind of doubtful about that last remark.

If I have the time I can do this forever.
I've decided that it's my favorite thing to do.
As we dance in circles, just me and you.
Can someone else cut in?
I was hoping you might let another guy have my hand.

Just when I was getting easy I got hard.
I wasn't even expecting that in this game of cards.
I mean chess, how could I forget.
Cause I've been diligently placing all my pieces and you kept taking them away!
What if I knock the whole board over? Then what the fuck will you PLAY?!

The mean one, the naughty one is coming and her name isn't PLATH if you had any doubt.
If you have all secrets now, then tell me one thing.
Add it up and maybe you'll notice that the alphabet has one letter that makes you even makes you sick.
What if you missed something before you were around?
Someone who didn't miss you, but got here first. No exclamation point.

I was sitting in a little café the day he stole my heart.
It was only later that I found out about you.
Because I saw his table...the one on which you drew.
I was thinking hard trying to decide whether or not to even take your side.
But even is as even does and evenly spaced letters are all simplified when one is suddenly left out.

A B C E F I making you mad?
Oh, I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry you're so sad.
Or scared a totally demented way.
Because this entire time you had nothing for me to play.

When you sorted through my e-mails and read through all my mail.
When you checked my body monthly and looked at my icy stare.
You always felt you missed something.
How could anyone ever fool you?
Well, game's over, checkmate for you.

If I Loved You Harder

If I loved you any more would you break?
I am asking myself how much I can take.
If your breath was like ice to me.
If your heart was the only infusion I needed to be me.
Why then can I only think of you?

I dream of your skin on mine.
And your touch like an ambrosia to my mind.
I am at a loss.
How can I ever get over you?
If I don't want to try.

It's never the verse that makes sense and changes me inside.
It's what I don't understand and never will.
I would drop everything if I could.
Only to hug you and be in your arms.
But it's a bondage too.

A bondage I would gladly endure until the end of time.
I am not over you or your smile.
The sense of humour and the guile.
If I was more like you would you have pity?
In my dreams you told me you were more with me when you were away.

Love and loss are at play.
A sad game of temptation I threw away.
I'll lose it again, but never in the same kind of way.
If I was younger maybe you would think that it was for you.
I am sorry for the silly misinterpretations and grueling hours.

When I think of you I imagine someone who needs to sleep.
Even one quiet moment might help you.
I wish I could give you all my quiets moments.
But perhaps that's not how you wanted it to be.
And I am forever grateful for what you kept me from.

But in the end I want to run!
I have to run!
If you ask me to make an appearance should I make it easy or hard?
If I drew the wrong card I'm sorry.
I apologize in the sincerest form.

The one only I know exists in a dark place, a place that isn't easy to conform to.
Or lying in a dusty, dry space.
I might give you a different sense of peace.
A new way to subdue me.
It's practical and slightly demented.

But I can't tell you how to play your game.
If I did you would lose for sure.
And then we would both be silly, sad cases.
Something probably more suited for my current style.
Although I haven't even gotten to the depression.

Maybe, saying the word maybe is always me at least.
I was scratching at the same door for hours.
Begging to be let in.
But it was the same story, the same strange position.
If you scratch at mine, I may have one condition.

Or possibly two, or three, or more.
If you ever called me a whore.
Please let the name stick.
I was once the last person you would have ever picked.
It's terrible and jerky, but the numbers won't add up.

When you suspended me I still tried to jump.
Jump up and up again!
And you may find that there's a long distance to fall.
A gross error on the part of the champion or pro.
I would rather stand stock still if there's any chance of the wrong type.

Goodness gracious it's apparent there's a lot of hype now.
Who built it and constructed this enormous, beaucatiful mess?
Haha, and another traitor seems to have confessed.
Brought down by his own scorn and shame.
I was just wondering what wasn't the same.

If it's him or me...can you keep me?
I can't keep still now.
I swear it's not all for me or myself or I.
If there was one reason I would rather die.
It wouldn't be for him or her.

I would rather open and uncover what I kept at bay for so long.
If I open at super speed can we be together in a week?
I have all day. I have all night. I'm here all week.
Please don't remind me though of the time I wrecked myself.
I was just trying a different approach.

I've really got to go.
I have important problems to solve.
I absolutely have to find a job.
And dinner should be on the table.
Christ it's getting late, I've got to go, but I'll be back...sooner than you think...and I'll surrender the last sonnet, the one that makes you think.

The Falsity of Jealousy

Birra birra on the wall?
Who's the fairest of them all?
I once was wise but now I see…
The travesty of my own iniquity.

Hold on prophet, wise but true.
Am I in love with me or in love with you?
If you are jealous of even the shirt on my chest, then wouldn't you care about the signature caress?
Ah, it's because you always come first, even your jealousy, it's linked to you and not to me.

Sometimes you're jealous and sometimes you're not.
Perhaps when you're busy, that's when I get caught.
On the other hand, I have known you to drop everything if the urge grabs you.
So, it's truly impossible to manipulate your jealous nerve.

I know someone else who is jealous at the drop of a hat.
God I can't even eat something with too much pleasure.
He wants to give it to me or take it away.
He never lets me sit alone in silence with my grapes.

Speaking of silence and aloneness…I have a chance to experience it some more.
But soon it'll be snatched away.
And I'll be busier with the business of business than I care to admit.
Seemingly I am pretty busy now.

How many poems can you write in a day Anna?
The first time I've mentioned myself by name.
This is me, "Anna not Anna."
I'll never forget that and you will never forget it either.

What to do when there is no exit.
Expect a reprieve.
When the chips are down.
There is always the age of reason.

I am in love.
I am on a new drug called love.
Love is doing some strange things to me.
I don't love it that you're not in love with false positives.

God Made Me A Chicken

So maybe it was tomorrow or maybe it was today.
Or maybe you're wishing you could have gotten into me when you thought you had the chance.
We can still sail around the world if you want to.
Using coins and literary gems.
Oh, but it's hard isn't it?

I was finding myself and you were looking.
What I took for distraction was actually full on frustration.
I'm sorry! But I'm even having that effect on myself.
I looked into my eyes and saw stars.
I was caught in my own net of sensuality.

Am I proclaiming it too loudly?
But it feels good.
If I wasn't confident I wouldn't be in front.
If I didn't know I was the first choice.
I would have stopped long ago.

No more risks for me.
I won't do it.
Not again.
Done, baby, I am done.
But I'll remember the bruises and the rough and tumble fun.

I played with the boys!
And damn it was fun!
Brutal but fun.
Oh yeah they went easy on me though.
You bet.

I was wandering around like a little, lost, stubborn pony.
When you corralled me in the courtyard.
I think I might have kicked you and maybe bitten your hand.
You gave me a carrot.
And can you believe it but suddenly I was in demand?!

In all honesty I kind of want to sleep around.
Kinda, wanta, kinda.
But only with the right people. Haha…
Oh c'mon baby you know I've got no equal.
I kinda wanta sleep around with you.

Oh baby, baby, don't be so blue.
You're the bluest of the blue with your big, sad brown eyes.
Those eyes get me every single time.
And your honesty is obviously enticing
If you're planning on a fight, fight someone else, because I'm sitting with the chickens from now on.

Lilac Lover

If I am like the lilacs...I bloomed just in time...sans merci...

The Writer Who Couldn't Write

You came to me last night.
I was playing a sexy role and you couldn't stand it.
You had to have me in your way.
Sometimes I think you like me more when I'm asleep.
But please remember I have depths that you'll see soon…you have no idea yet.

I am like the ultimate breathless vixen.
I am the spine of your mountain.
I am the living testament to our fragility.
You have a capability I have never seen before to handle pain.
I don't love to see you in pain, especially if I am the cause.

I would rather run out into the rain and fall into a crevasse.
Then see you hurt.
But then again you would probably follow me.
And then we would be in a ravine.
At least we would be together.

We have too many people who rely on us to fall in.
They wouldn't leave us there for long anyway.
And after they lasered us back together we would be reset.
Back to work for you and back to being what I am becoming for me.
I have never had a better time to falter.

But if you think I don't remember when we were both so far down…
When we were climbing that mountain one hand hold at a time.
Think again. Because I remember every moment fondly.
Although I appreciate how far we've come.
And me with hardly a difference.

You, you on the other hand have changed dramatically.
It shows something about you.
Something strong, beautiful, and free.
Just like Nietzsche wrote for you and me.
The greatest philosophers uncovered.

Remember when you said you were afraid for me to take the stage?
Guess what, I think you were misinformed, because I haven't even taken it yet.
When I do you'll know.
And this isn't a dress rehearsal.
This is all pre production.

I am not going to have a dress rehearsal.
I should be able to get anything by take 2.
Why am I writing about myself as though I am an actress?
Oh didn't you know?
I am. I am an actress and always will be.

You wanted me to act like a writer.
Well, no problem, she says…glancing at a grumpy man's sour face.
I have no real predisposition for grammar, tenses, nouns…what's going on?
What kind of foolish poetry is this?
It has no flow, it has no point.

I am a collaborative person and I do not perform well without support.
Who wants to act alone in front of their Mac?
Someone said wise words to me…but I forgot them.
I was once a frog, I was once a tree…
Insightful as this is I am not me.

Throughout the years I've found a tendency…
For glamour, sex, and well...the love of treasures…
Treasures that run deep…
Treasures that are often overlooked…
Are usually worth more…

Don't exploit your own treasures!
They are your only treasures.
Because we're really done here now.
You know what I mean.
I am talking to you: Dorothy, the Wizard, and Toto.

I'm killing it here!
Killing it!
Break me down and I will rebuild again.
Go on do it! Break me down.
But don't forget who you made sign up for this with me.

Am I on? Are we recording?
Speed. Camera. Action.
Please no cursory Biblical references.
Oh jesus, this is devolving!
I apologize in advance.

The last thing I warned you about was resolved on my end.
However, he's not done.
Maybe we can use this to our advantage?
I can work under the gun.
Just remember I wanna be a big star baby!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Dreams of You

It seems that you've taken over my dreams.
You're testing me and making sure.
You always want to know if I'm hiding something.
What if I am? What if I'm not?

Sometimes you can't help yourself you show another side.
The side that wants to be held, the side that might have cried.
You pull out a thorn stuck deep inside me.
You're always fixing what's wrong.

How could anyone else have ever guided me?
Why do I have to wait so long?
When all I want is to have you near.
To see inside your world.

There is a gathering of people deep underground and they're cheering me on.
They seem to think I can save them.
They've seen how far I've come.
I may be a fast runner but I can't outrun this one.

So whether you come to me in daylight or in my sleep.
Whichever form you take, it doesn't matter to me.
I just want to know you love me.
And above all, no matter what, that you won't stop until you have me to keep.