When I think of the perfect kiss.
It's always with you.
I'm compliant, because I need your lips on mine.
I want to bend to you.
Become one with that pair of luscious lips.
Somehow I'm greedy for more.
But that's the way you planned it.
I'd sort of like to turn you down.
But when I'm the one wanting...
It's an impossibility.
I'm all turned around.
But in this current tragedy I hope it's public.
Kissing you in front of a group seems hot.
They watch and can't stop...can't peel their eyes away.
And later they fantasize about what we have.
I'm in love with a bad boy.
He's viciously mean, but never to me.
Did I say never?
It's true...anything that's happened to me...it was my own mistake.
I can feel the burn and the bite.
I'm in lust with an animal all right.
When he's ready to take me I'll moisten my lips with my tongue.
Glossy and red...my lips are saying "Take me..."
How sad, it's just a dream, but I have memories.
I'm still waiting for his retort.
All I'm asking for is one little kiss.
A kiss can make a day brilliant.
When you're trembling on the verge.
And I'm hoping, hoping for more.
It's not a constant, but it's always there.
And if instead you decided to kiss another.
I might watch amused, because it would never be like it is with me.
There's something tantalizing about confidence.
Don't you think?
And if I wandered away.
I have the inkling that you might get really mad.
Like when I grabbed my bag and left that night.
Or when I undercut you, because I couldn't have you myself.
The timing was all wrong.
Will it ever be right?
I do a lot of thinking and hoping and playing with maybes.
But my name keeps coming up.
That much I know and I don't know much.
If anyone has been kept in the dark...that would be me...
Does the sun come out in your world when you see me?
I'm never happy, never satisfied.
I bet you're counting on that.
So, when the chips fall in place am I your ace?
I was wondering...ha!
It's always when I'm alone that I feel so worthless.
And I'm alone a lot.
You on the other hand always seem busy.
With people, things, money, business, banking your way to the new age.
Have I aged?
I glanced at my passport and I finally agree, "Yes, I have."
I'm really not that bad.
Just lonely and sad.
But as usual I'm the one that makes it.
How simple to keep your trust.
Even when I don't mean to I feel I do.
Even when I'm lost in the park.
In my heart I am still alone with you.
But being alone with you might not be enough for me.
Like I said, I would like a display.
I was hoping for something...something any day.
You're my boss.
You're in charge.
What I find sexy has always been clear.
Most men never stand a chance with me.
Although I do adore the timbre of the male voice.
If I was ecstatic I doubt I would be writing.
Plus it's more coherent than usual.
Less symbolic and more defined.
The definition is my desire for your kiss.
Forget about love, I don't want that.
I request only one thing.
The kiss that'll lead me away from that mountain we've been climbing down.
I won't even call you baby.
I swear I'm done with that.
Oh, God, but that kiss.
I've got to, have to have it.
Especially now it's so built up.
I'm not sure you can make it real.
But mainly cause I barely get my way.
Anyone who thinks I'm spoiled is wrong.
I'm not living large, but not complaining either.
However still stuck at some way station...waiting...
Not sure for what.
But I know I didn't want that to happen.
Don't you see I had no choice?
I barely have my own voice.
If I'm not worthy then someone clue me in.
Only one kiss.
Can you give me this?
My lips choose you, they want you.
In more than one way.
Even when I'm begging.
Fine I didn't want you anyway.
It's all an act, that's all it's ever been.
Sometimes I think you don't remember.
You don't know your own life like I know mine.
But then again you are from a different dimension.
Mine might be alluring to you in a similar way.
The way I love to fall into yours.
I can't do it on my own.
Plus I'm tired.
The games don't entice me.
I'm too far removed.
An existence that doesn't improve.
So what if I'm like a child?
I can't help it.
That's just the way I am.
So when you're loving on me you feel a bit shady.
It's something I've only just realized.
The moment I'm done waiting for you you'll come around.
As predictable as the moon bright on a hot summer night.
I think what I'm looking for is coherence.
Or a way to trick either you or myself.
I was hoping for a climax.
Instead, I'm still lingering on how much I want that kiss.
I want it so much I can't feel anything.
I'm completely numb to my own desire.
I'm wilting in this raging fire.
Truly I might expire.
My backup is coming.
And he'll be by my side.
The sidekick with the long stride.
And we'll run and play.
Maybe you'll call me one of those days.
Pink, soft, moist, and mellow.
But really it has more to do with the setting.
I can't control energy.
And I have nothing left.
You've wrung me out.
This isn't going to be about chess so don't get too excited, yet.
I was going to drone on about some invisible man who listens in.
But instead I'm going to check the mate.
How about all you boys and men out there?
The ones I've had and loved.
What happened to you? Was it me?
If that's what happens to men who love me then why bother?
Seriously silly boys.
She, and that means me, is definitely a man eater.
Everyone else should run if they see me.
Head for the hills.
I've got more fucked up people than I have pills.
And trust me that's no exaggeration.
Can you all stand the love I am throwing your way right now?
Can you stand it boys?
Because you are all babies you boys I loved.
This is not about me, it's all about you.
It's about how hard you try to hang on when it's gone, baby, gone.
I was done with you when I met you.
Why? Because I had you all figured out.
Did you ever understand me?
Thought you did, didn't you?
Maybe ya did and that's why I am sitting here.
Sitting not standing, not my favorite position.
I wanna stand and run, never sit or cry or fall.
Actually falling is great.
Impact even, God the pain can be just right.
Right on time!
Hey! Women! Female friends...where are you hiding?
There was only one woman I knew once who even tried.
Been a while since I saw her breathing like a normal human being.
I was about to relent and give up, but in all honesty I don't have much time now.
I have a painting to finish and it's going to diminish me in a big way.
That's all I can say, it's going to end the threat I was under.
The threat? Isn't that what you wanted, needed, had to have?
Yes, I had to have the threat. I had to have a big death threat. The art. The art.
I had to have a number placed on my life.
I was living in danger trying to survive.
That's the Sagittarius in me.
He shot the artwork through my heart and now I have a place in a part.
A place in a part of hair.
In the underground lair.
I am at the bottom of the ocean.
So, try, please threaten me I don't care!
I am real, if not all human.
Please God don't make me say more.
I am certifiable in an extremely expensive way.
So what can I buy time with when I have no money?
I can't, I cannot, I will not buy any more time.
Oh please, I was broken a long time ago.
Your obsessions are honestly killing me.
If you, if you need me you know what to do.
Just feel your heart beating and you'll know I am there with you.
Let me go! Your acts are no longer justifiable...they are all circumvented.
I have no need to intervene myself.
I have a circle of friends all around me.
And every single one wants to get close to me.
But none of them can.
They are close, but I am untouchable.
I can't land!
I'm sailing a ship straight for hell.
If Hollywood is hell where am I going?
If you are lost and now I am free when was I lost?
There is a vast expanse of death all around me.
Too many eyes have taken me in.
But I was there too!
My eyes bled blue.
Jesus is in love with you.
God you're sick!
I once had a strong, straight whipping stick.
I whipped every one around me with it subconsciously.
And they suffered and I gained.
Now they're wondering why they took the pain.
I once had a long whip that I cracked over other people's backs.
They all hated me and threw me down.
They wished I wasn't beautiful but instead they're dead.
That wasn't a stick and it wasn't a whip.
That was my way of getting them to see.
If you're not running, buying, loving in a very sexual way, or making an amazing play, then you're mostly just losing and will get thrown away.
Oh well, what can I do?
I'm just an imbecile with some outdated equipment, a horse with no shoe.
I'm just a fox who's got nothing to do.
Or a crazy person who never had a clue.
My rhyming isn't even consistent...damn sorry I totally missed it.
Anyway, since today is my unbirthday I thought I would stay.
And surround you with words of nothing you've ever heard the like.
And maybe later I'll spike your drink and take you back to my room.
Where we'll run around like maniacs that no one ever found.
And in the end I was just hoping that the bathtub would be a good place to drown...
When she makes it real thugs really cut to the chase.
Is this a funfest or a race?
I thought it was a race...but who and what are we racing?
We're like groundhogs all out on the wrong day.
I think I can smell my own decay.
This is all wrong. Can we do another take?
I would rather appear cute. modest, and highly opaque.
Hopefully pretty, with a button nose, eyes that glimmer, and perky action in all the right places.
Christ, who taught me this word game?
I'm kind of doubtful about that last remark.
If I have the time I can do this forever.
I've decided that it's my favorite thing to do.
As we dance in circles, just me and you.
Can someone else cut in?
I was hoping you might let another guy have my hand.
Just when I was getting easy I got hard.
I wasn't even expecting that in this game of cards.
I mean chess, how could I forget.
Cause I've been diligently placing all my pieces and you kept taking them away!
What if I knock the whole board over? Then what the fuck will you PLAY?!
The mean one, the naughty one is coming and her name isn't PLATH if you had any doubt.
If you have all secrets now, then tell me one thing.
Add it up and maybe you'll notice that the alphabet has one letter that makes you unsure...it even makes you sick.
What if you missed something before you were around?
Someone who didn't miss you, but got here first. No exclamation point.
I was sitting in a little café the day he stole my heart.
It was only later that I found out about you.
Because I saw his table...the one on which you drew.
I was thinking hard trying to decide whether or not to even take your side.
But even is as even does and evenly spaced letters are all simplified when one is suddenly left out.
A B C E F G...am I making you mad?
Oh, I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry you're so sad.
Or scared rather...in a totally demented way.
Because this entire time you had nothing for me to play.
When you sorted through my e-mails and read through all my mail.
When you checked my body monthly and looked at my icy stare.
You always felt you missed something.
How could anyone ever fool you?
Well, game's over, checkmate for you.
If I loved you any more would you break?
I am asking myself how much I can take.
If your breath was like ice to me.
If your heart was the only infusion I needed to be me.
Why then can I only think of you?
I dream of your skin on mine.
And your touch like an ambrosia to my mind.
I am at a loss.
How can I ever get over you?
If I don't want to try.
It's never the verse that makes sense and changes me inside.
It's what I don't understand and never will.
I would drop everything if I could.
Only to hug you and be in your arms.
But it's a bondage too.
A bondage I would gladly endure until the end of time.
I am not over you or your smile.
The sense of humour and the guile.
If I was more like you would you have pity?
In my dreams you told me you were more with me when you were away.
Love and loss are at play.
A sad game of temptation I threw away.
I'll lose it again, but never in the same kind of way.
If I was younger maybe you would think that it was for you.
I am sorry for the silly misinterpretations and grueling hours.
When I think of you I imagine someone who needs to sleep.
Even one quiet moment might help you.
I wish I could give you all my quiets moments.
But perhaps that's not how you wanted it to be.
And I am forever grateful for what you kept me from.
But in the end I want to run!
I have to run!
If you ask me to make an appearance should I make it easy or hard?
If I drew the wrong card I'm sorry.
I apologize in the sincerest form.
The one only I know exists in a dark place, a place that isn't easy to conform to.
Or lying in a dusty, dry space.
I might give you a different sense of peace.
A new way to subdue me.
It's practical and slightly demented.
But I can't tell you how to play your game.
If I did you would lose for sure.
And then we would both be silly, sad cases.
Something probably more suited for my current style.
Although I haven't even gotten to the depression.
Maybe, saying the word maybe is always contrary...to me at least.
I was scratching at the same door for hours.
Begging to be let in.
But it was the same story, the same strange position.
If you scratch at mine, I may have one condition.
Or possibly two, or three, or more.
If you ever called me a whore.
Please let the name stick.
I was once the last person you would have ever picked.
It's terrible and jerky, but the numbers won't add up.
When you suspended me I still tried to jump.
Jump up and up again!
And you may find that there's a long distance to fall.
A gross error on the part of the champion or pro.
I would rather stand stock still if there's any chance of the wrong type.
Goodness gracious it's apparent there's a lot of hype now.
Who built it and constructed this enormous, beaucatiful mess?
Haha, and another traitor seems to have confessed.
Brought down by his own scorn and shame.
I was just wondering what wasn't the same.
If it's him or me...can you keep me?
I can't keep still now.
I swear it's not all for me or myself or I.
If there was one reason I would rather die.
It wouldn't be for him or her.
I would rather open and uncover what I kept at bay for so long.
If I open at super speed can we be together in a week?
I have all day. I have all night. I'm here all week.
Please don't remind me though of the time I wrecked myself.
I was just trying a different approach.
I've really got to go.
I have important problems to solve.
I absolutely have to find a job.
And dinner should be on the table.
Christ it's getting late, I've got to go, but I'll be back...sooner than you think...and I'll surrender the last sonnet, the one that makes you think.
It seems that you've taken over my dreams.
You're testing me and making sure.
You always want to know if I'm hiding something.
What if I am? What if I'm not?
Sometimes you can't help yourself you show another side.
The side that wants to be held, the side that might have cried.
You pull out a thorn stuck deep inside me.
You're always fixing what's wrong.
How could anyone else have ever guided me?
Why do I have to wait so long?
When all I want is to have you near.
To see inside your world.
There is a gathering of people deep underground and they're cheering me on.
They seem to think I can save them.
They've seen how far I've come.
I may be a fast runner but I can't outrun this one.
So whether you come to me in daylight or in my sleep.
Whichever form you take, it doesn't matter to me.
I just want to know you love me.
And above all, no matter what, that you won't stop until you have me to keep.
I was wandering down the corridors of an empty hotel at night.
When I saw a little bar open with a nice menu and a light.
Their specialties were crudités and beer on tap.
I ordered the olive sampler, french bread, and a beer with a cap.
There was nothing different about that place.
Although I drew a man with an unusual face.
And I sat there trying to make up a better plan.
But all I could really think about was my old pal Stan.
We worked in the trenches at L.A. Center Studios.
I was busy reading resumés and bios.
He handled current affairs.
There was a girl in the office putting on airs.
When I looked at the clock I realized an hour had gone by.
I was looking at the other patrons like I was a spy.
But I'll never forget the mistake I made when I ordered the Blackberry Smash.
It was tingly and lovely and cost a bit of cash.
I took the bait.
I'm often lonely and kind of irate.
It's a curse to always get away.
But it's even worse when you constantly have to pay.
It was closing time so I called a Yellow Cab.
That was when my enemy came in to try a quick backstab.
She made me late to see my boy.
Now I know how he used to feel, it was a radical ploy.
If on Sunday I don't return.
It's only because I am still feeling the burn.
Your memory is short and mine should be shorter.
But instead I am the one who's hedging the reporter.
I was wondering why it hurts for you to see me tying my shoes.
Is it because they give you the blues?
If we do things in a different order will it help the talent?
Or should I just relent.
I left that bar hopefully for good.
And when I left they hurried in a mood.
Johnny Appleseed was watching from a window.
But the actor showed his face and seemed to take a bow.
Whatever happens now is not my problem.
And if you ever try to blame me remember the stem.
A stem is a piece of glass and a part of a glass.
It's sharp sometimes or just unbearable so I'll pass.
If you ever find a lover from another dimension.
It could either kill you faster than you can imagine.
Or it's an invitation to see what's possible.
Perfect balance is essential however.
As we lay in bed, perfect bodies, perfect silhouettes, like Grecian youth.
I laced my fingers into his.
"You have my hair stuck in your fingers."
"That's not a hair."
But I thought it was a hair so I tugged it and it broke.
He wanted to leave.
I said, "But..."
So, he stayed a while longer.
"That's not a hair."
Probably not something I will ever understand.
But I got an idea.
It has to do with weaponry.
Weapons like that are what I'm excited by.
Was it easy for me to break because of what I thought?
Can our realities make us capable of that?
It's the balance that I love in you.
In his dimension there are signs that say "Microwave in use" on hotel doors.
This is not a reference to a normal microwave.
And the signs go up and down.
But when I finger them they are fixed in place.
In his dimension people are serving drinks in the lounge.
Or they're lying dead in bathtubs.
Waiting to be dissolved.
Or maybe they're just pleasuring themselves all the time.
It's the faces that I'll never become used to.
How they change from moment to moment.
It's the feeling your diet coke is constantly being swapped out.
It's the drugged up feeling.
But mostly it's the sex and how it gets you.
I always knew he won that way with women.
He can have any woman he wants.
That's a fact.
He gets bored easily and it's gotta be a constant challenge.
Lover from another dimension isn't easily pleased.
And he doesn't lie down when he's working.
He's always getting up.
It's nice thought though, he provides so much material.
I was wondering where he got that collection of vintage glassware?
Or the napkins with the beautiful autumn leaves.
I wanted one for myself, but somehow I knew.
If the CIA would quit pretending to know what the tiles were for.
They might actually get a clue.
But like I said that's between me and you.
The tiles weren't really related and not really a clue.
Or if your lover is never true.
I was wondering if that was the point.
That's he's never been the one for you.
Or if that's the door mat you wanted to do...
I may be by in the morning.
When you're drinking tea in your chair by the window, the one made of mahogany.
I'll be there and maybe we can talk.
Like we haven't before.
But it's changing, because we're both older.
I was wondering if you've been alive for centuries.
Sometimes it's what happens.
The baby and the ancient one together.
Lover from another dimension...
May I have a chocolate sundae with a cherry on top?
Always polite when she wants something.
And always angry and swearing when she doesn't get her way.
Oh God, I thought you were over me.
Don't you ever learn?
Oh right, that's not the right line.
But give me some credit and I'll give you whatever you want.
It's really stupid to trick the poor.
They're just about as desperate as I am.
But it's even worse to try and bribe them.
I was bribed by my lover with the promise of a future.
It wasn't what I expected and it never has been.
But all the thoughts came in quite handy.
And that was a nice gift.
From you to me and me to you.
Lover from another dimension...aren't my words like notes played in piano?
Or a tune that you heard before or maybe thought to compose.
Like I've said before, if it weren't for you, I would be complete.
But this may be a constant work in progress.
And if I lay down with you and said that I wanted to be with you forever.
Would you consider sharing dimensions with me?
We could bind the two together.
So the infinity symbol was what made it great.
Lover? Are you there?
I'm sorry if I let you down.
Please lover, please be fair.
I am your lover...batman underwear.
I am not here.
I've never even been real.
Every time he fools me, I think of the last thing I saw or heard.
It's nothing more than a single crying star.
The whole of the world.
The fiber in the glass.
The seas behind the skies.
And I'll never go and you'll never know.
So we meet in the night.
And we burst together as a new age cosmic phenomena.
Insanity becomes the new reason.
And I've never been me with you.
It's a delicate balance between dhota and the original.
The original is hiding in the real world.
You are working in the towns you made with the slaves you drive home.
Become tomorrow, because today is never the way you made it.
By the time you are done.
We'll be overwhelmed again.
It's the drama in the position that makes you hungry for more.
Hopefully I can trick you with clover.
This isn't me, I'm not here.
I've been gone for some time.
And when they come and say you're not in town.
Then I know, I wasn't here.
Or the times they led me into rooms and stores and I went in one way and came out another.
She's doesn't know, she's not her.
Let her go, because we can't outwit her.
Let her go so we can make it up in time.
While you're getting ahead on your side.
I'll be working on mine.
And when we meet again it'll be the same game, different story.
So, maybe next time try not to laugh so hard when I drop my best estimate.
I'm not here, so no problem.
Don't worry, you can't find me.
I'm in a place no one can find.
I live on a lake.
Remember when you treated me like a fool?
Remember when I acted like a child?
I'm so sorry I messed everything up AGAIN.
Well, it takes 2.
Someone runs to the trash and grabs a scrap of paper, purple and white, opposite.
And a bystander watches the ensuing chaos.
Thinking this can't be happening.
Oh dear, but it is, it is happening.
When I leave the room everyone runs!
And if you don't have clearance you don't have a choice.
I had clearance.
Are you from Russia?
My name is Anya and I was born in a small town.
I am a communist.
I hope you read this and wonder.
Or maybe you already wonder.
I wonder why?
God, I really thought I was 5'9", but I was much taller.
Sometimes I see the same person in the mirror, but she's not really there.
Like I said, this isn't me, I'm not here.
He mentioned serial killers.
We had a common interest and the night went from there.
2 drinks are all you need to start the night right.
Right into another dimension.
It wasn't me and I wasn't there.
That's why I didn't mind being back in the corner.
And the different versions of you were all the best.
But don't think I'm fooled by your stalling.
Oh, I, I, I had the time of my life.
But I won't swear.
You owe it all to you.
And I know precisely what to do.
Even when I feel insecure and wonder if all the choices are right.
I know sometimes confidence is taking chances.
I've always been a fan of the long shot.
Like the Sagittarian horse taking his best shot and breaking the bull's eye with speeding arrow.
But then again if I'm not here...why can I still speak?
Really though, I am not here.
It's a love affair you created for yourself.
It's you, not me.
I've never really believed.
Or maybe sick and demented with a touch of the banal at times.
Or maybe I'll just write.
Niwot is not a real town.
Hopefully someone else noticed this.
Or perhaps it's just quaint.
The best explanation is generally not the one I buy.
La, la, la, if numbers are in relationship to words.
Then what number am I?
Are the sequences all perfectly lined up?
Call me crazy and I'll be back in demand.
But don't worry, I am not me.
So how can you lose?
But that was never the problem.
The problem is that I am not here, this isn't me.