Wednesday, December 31, 2014
New people enter, but no one ever leaves.
Maybe that's 75% accurate.
We're in a "club" that never dissolves for very long.
Funny stuff...we've got a Pink Panther situation over here.
Peter Sellars keeps showing up.
But it isn't me anymore.
My entrances keep getting worse.
I can't hold it together.
Oh, how I love disasters.
Reminds me of my life...bye...catch you later.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
use your waves for expansion
reach around the world
Sun use your golden energy to bring warmth
fire burn in a container
sky open your openness
Greece put out your soldiers
to march us
wind cut through stagnation
ice keep it together
flowers let your seeds fall into my mouth
live like living is the only thing
and love over and over
under the tree
buried crystals were found
and I remember you
creek tell your story
about the man who was killed there
talk to me and i'll listen
Stars hold me
sequins cover me
my mouthpiece is made of frost and millet
brothers you are my keepers
sisters you are my friends
brother and sisters we are always near
bring me a muse
who knows how to laugh
so we can be found
tie me up in emerald green raw silk
if you need to take something
take it from me
if you need it take it
wheat for your flour
butter for your bread
now go and do your work
put the attention on yourself
trust trepidatious lyrics
Saturday, December 27, 2014
I've done this a bunch of times.
This guy in L.A., looks like David Fincher
We ran around
whatever - that means
I also ran around a lot alone
I don't think L.A. is dangerous at all
we got into - our matching jumpsuits - and ran around
We ran around the park and we ran around the trucks
We went to a county fair together in Bethlehem, New Jersey
And then we watched a movie
- we watched Newsroom
And that dog was pretty cute
The one with the blue fedora
- oh hell -
The next time I drive off a cliff - embankment - especially Mulholland Drive
Remind me to fasten my seat belt
It's hard to come back from that
I'll just keep it a secret
I wonder how many people have called the EMTS?
It seems like a bad thing
sometimes it is, I don't understand it
Friday, December 26, 2014
when I saw you staring back at me
and in the moment I saw you the cat looked away
I don't understand our relationship but I don't need to
I like it the way it is
it made me into a much stronger person
than I ever imagined I could be
I never thought I would say that
tomorrow, I don't know
I only know today
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
One person may understand another person, another person may not.
Being with the people I understand isn't always a good thing.
I try to put myself around a variety of people.
But most of the time it's a crowd.
You'll get the idea if you're on board.
We all fair differently.
In whatever this is.
And for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about.
You are not necessarily lucky.
Sometimes people think that.
But I think they are wrong.
Great, women with jobs finally.
I better hope the coffee shop I go to has a job.
Because I've done the walk around and try to get a job bit a whole bunch.
And frequently I wind up in a precarious position.
Sometimes me having a job is like the worst idea.
Every time we just do the same thing, but we're getting better.
I'm trying to avoid saying thank you, because I don't want you guys to cry.
It's the worst.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Okay we get it's, "Classified."
And before last week it was all unclassified.
But now since it's classified no one can do anything.
I didn't understand how that worked in the beginning.
Following that I jumped around the classrooms looking for my target.
There's this other guy who knows my name now.
He thinks he's embroiled in some kind of top secret operation.
When I left after I watched your face turn purple...
I was hiding behind a beam peeking out to see if you were leaving.
I didn't see you...
But when I turned to go I saw that guy who I think saw me looking for you.
He looked amused.
The way I know he looked amused was because I saw the back of his head as he walked away with his coffee from Starbucks.
I can tell what someone is feeling from looking at the back of their head.
The only reason I was surprised you were there was because I thought it was a one time deal.
Then I spent a long time trying to silently figure out what you're doing.
It doesn't make sense to me that you would come work out with me if you were planning on killing me.
But after everything that's happened I have to allow for any possibility.
It seems like a sweet thing to do, to get ready together.
The only thing I totally missed was how you got into the female locker room.
I can imagine you might make that into a bigger part of your job requirement.
There are more hot bodies in Boulder than L.A. even!
Honestly it doesn't work the other way, I don't want to be inside the men's room.
The part you missed, but I think got later...
Was that I was being a distraction and it helped you.
All you knew was that you were hearing my voice and you wanted it to stop.
I base this on the traditional intolerant look I elicit from you.
After a long bout of intensive thinking...
The conclusion I come to is: either this is the beginning of something or nearly the end.
I have no idea what's going on.
But I know it's "Classified."
Monday, December 15, 2014
Sunday, December 14, 2014
I think it's because I'm aggressive
When I see someone coming toward me
I either quickly disappear or I face and intimidate
I treat the most intimidating people the same as anyone else
There aren't very many intimidating people here
It doesn't matter
I think I'm offense
Yeah, maybe a bit offensive
I really need defensive players
There are some unwanted characters coming closer to me
This one person is ready to snap
I'm sure there's a lot of crosstalk I'm not aware of
Sorry you're all too far away for me to hear you!
Those people I used to know
Still me, me, me
Give me a quarter and I'll explain it
That's my price and I won't go lower
I have to give God some credit
His plans are SO much better than mine
I get enough crosstalk from my mind
Literally there's a peanut gallery up there
How many people have access to my cranium?
Forget it, I don't want to know
It's strange, but I have new, improved tactics
Just when I think I'll never change I go and shock myself
And I get an electric shock every time I lock the car door
I'm shocked by the people here
By that I mean, I'm not, I'm lying
Maybe I should publicize my secret plans
It won't change how they work
They will work
Sometimes I make people uneasy
They sense I bring something that might not be good with me
That is correct
I definitely bring something with me
I don't know whether or not it's good or bad yet
And this has been going on for a decade
I have some plans
I don't think people like it when I improvise
"This is not what the plan was!"
Sometimes the plan is a bad idea
Anyone who knows anything knows that
The crosstalk I'm getting today is full of static
Barack is definitely the last one to know
At least he saved his family
Nothing else really matters
I knew there was a reason I took evasive action
I make it so hard to understand me
I can if I want to
We are not in the times the news declares
We're in transition like the 1950's
What does that mean?
Just when we thought we were super advanced and modern
We went back in time
We're all here, but some people just don't know it
This is an excellent time for me to be single
My plans for being single involve staying single for at least two years
There's a lot of tension in relationships now due to homophobia
Most people are bisexual actually
I think people are publicly getting together with members of the opposite sex
And privately carrying on with members of the same sex
The people who are open about their homosexuality are in power positions
There are a lot of gay men professing their attraction to females
There are a lot of females cheating on their boyfriends/spouses/lovers with other women
There is some code about how cheating on someone with the same sex
Isn't technically cheating
I saw this actress I used to know go public about her bisexuality
I thought it was bold and maybe a bad idea
But now I think I get it and touché
Polyamory has been around for a while now
Some of those people are financing and subsidizing government programs
To expand technology in the private sector
Because of this the entire status quo has changed
Relationship histories are being documented on a regular basis
The people who document them are also being documented
Women are being impregnated with lab babies
Some of them will experience a new phenomena of being aware of this
They will feel: this isn't my child
They will wonder why they feel this way
They will spend the rest of their lives taking care of someone else's child or children
And abortion will become illegal
I never thought I would say that
I don't want to say that
With my track record I could be wrong
But with the next angry White guy who's gonna be president...
It's going to be a big man with a little thing kind of situation
And he will have all the cars to prove it
And we will turn our guns on a completely unsuspecting country
Like Switzerland and Canada will join the Russian federation for protection
If it sounds like I'm just making stuff up
But on the off chance some of this comes true
There's a time stamp to prove it
It seems like I talked about myself and other people
But if you look at the proof I didn't actually say that much about myself
Like where I stand in my sexuality
Or what my plans are
My cat wants to write a novel
I'm sick of using my phone to write
Can anyone donate me a computer?
Preferably a PC desktop from 1995
Rebuilt with a microprocessor from one of the original Mac prototypes
Essentially the best of both worlds
I want a hybrid Papple
I'm telling you that's the future
It can be hard to tell a genius from an idiot
Not always interchangeable
But to set a goal today
I won't make a declaration
What I will not do is make a declaration
I won't declare anything
I'm not making a declaration: there's too much crosstalk
This is not a declaration: "I have nothing to declare. Except for an old apple."
Friday, December 12, 2014
But may I buy some time?
I'm willing to pay in words and ways
The end of the day creeps up on me
I was thinking about Los Angeles today
There are thousands of people there
Famous in their minds
But I don't think using the imagination puts us in tabloids
I was thinking about someone in particular
And how I feel like she's not going to make it
In her chosen profession
But when I had that thought it also made me think this could be the moment it happens
I think being young brought out the dreamer in me
Hatching a lot of plans
But doing very little
Beneath me I am free
Can I accept everything that comes to me without fear?
I watch people bar their doors
It's a violent time
Perhaps if I always open my door and smile we can all be friends
And if I dance quickly enough without inhibitions
We can make the monologue into an ensemble
At this point in my life
I enjoy going solo and collaborating equally
If I sound sure of myself
It means I trust everyone
But only to play their parts
And I realize what others cannot do I must
Toward the sky made of ice I run and rise
To the soil I rest in peace
In pain I feel alive
And I avoid the fire, because it burns me
Friday, December 5, 2014
Going to the mountains to have fun
I needed to be reminded
Of the flying freedom on the slope
At first it all seemed like a risk
On my first run I was tense
But I remembered how to move
It was there inside me
Waiting for the opportunity to come out
And out there we're like a school of fish
It's a kind of dance
And it's flying in the terrain park
Oh, humanity, why do we pray this way?
We ride chairs safely through the void
There are Mardi Gras beads in the pines
Someone threw them there in celebration
Do you want to join in?
And we're off on another adventure
Thank you for another wonderful day
Thursday, December 4, 2014
I picked him up and carried him to a high
he didn't know
he always thought he had wings
now he can be a detective of the past
go back and forth and find the truth
he won't die for me when I have to leave
I make commitments one at a time
the beauty of his practice is only beginning
he will surrender so they don't break him
I don't think he can believe how many people are on my tail
from his vantage point he watches them go
the idea might work
thanks for the insight
related to an instinctual connect we have
as long as he's Mexican
and I'm White
none of us are permanently changing our
we could, but we don't want to
we want to scream
but the electrical current is too strong
before him, the fallen god Pan, there was
love, light, power, danger, mystery!
one goal remains
hold my hand
I'll show you
my fingers quiver
but it's not about weakness
there remains an edge of fear
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
screaming at me to read them
the more they demand the less I obey
when I break a cover I feel overwhelmed
there is pressure from an invisible source
to study the art of nuance
or to learn anything new at all
I appease the gods
but I'm ashamed
I feel too old to start something new
which is a fabrication of my mind
open, open, open to a random page
tenuous moments when I feel afraid
I might learn to be a duplicate
of someone else
to learn is one thing
to duplicate, another
in order to succeed I must focus on the broad strokes
there is art in this
there is unbounded complexity
there are mathematical symbols
I grow grim with tension
in order for me to teach someone
I must first seek refuge in the pages
go to them over and over
but I am closed, closed, closed
I see a brutish woman
who barks more than speaks
and I remind myself of who I am
I am a different species
I leave the broken parts scattered behind me
I gather myself
and I step out, blank
Monday, December 1, 2014
I'm leaving the demilitarized zone.
It feels like I stare too long.
I only stare because everyone else does.
Strange to see the celebrity inside.
By proxy, by symbiosis, by subjugation.
The clatter behind me.
Please, please, please make me do it.
I have the ability.
Fridays find me searching.
The weekend is without parameters.
Those rich college kids do it.
And their parents protect them.
Time the strong.
I am present to a miracle.
I brought my whip.
It has to be here somewhere.
Completely stricken, but no remorse.
I can't be remorseful.
I can persuade large numbers.
The defectors are still ominous.
The excitement; like party favors.
Begin to dose me with elixirs.
Because I can tell.
I can always tell.
Beyond the stars are bays.
The constellations are different.
Some people think they can touch them.
Try to pull them down to eat.
I'm new in town.
To pity me could be a mistake.
Especially when the pity is contempt.
I felt it leave my cheek.
I directly ask.
Under the rock.
So solid and stable.
A conversational tone.
We sit at the table.
And forget it.
To create almond eyes.
Out of dinner plates.
I wasn't expecting this.
Devoid of sunshine.
To save rainwater.
To heal my eyes.
It was this easy before.
But shocking and tepid.
I think of five traitors.
To be banished.
And by my hand.
Power fluctuates through me.
Dreamy insider catapult.
In the basement he picks them apart.
I do not see it.
As long as this happens I am fine.
Settling like flies.
I can feel them.
That was a long time ago.
I still see the burning ember.
Depletion for me.
It's on the whole time.
Too extraordinary by yards.
The fabric is poisonous.
That spot in between.
Land here or on the sidewalk.
So much higher.
When I go off the beaten path.
Where memories are forbidden.
Jot it down.
On a pad.
With a pencil.
And a flourish.