Tuesday, March 1, 2016


In order to de-escalate a situation people usually have to agree to a compromise. I guess that's why intensities sometimes diminish over time, it's hard to fuel that kind of stamina. I'm not talking about sex. NOT. I'm talking about conflict resolution. I'm the absolute worst conflict resolver. I'm not talking about Resolve the cleaner. Stay on track. Are you with me? I'm the worst, because I usually loudly disagree and actively fight the person without any sense of the repercussions. Maybe that person is used to getting their way because of money and power or fame or something and I come along and disagree. Almost, it seems, to drive people crazy on purpose. This isn't nice and I wonder why I don't get a good reception. It's infuriating. And then there are all the people who've infuriated me.

So with me it's actually been, "Escalation, escalation, escalation, escalation" until there was no ceiling, like when the elevator in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory broke the glass one. At this point the reason why people can't really reach me is because I'm ascending through space at a very rapid rate, but some day I'll be stopped. Fixed in one place. With nowhere to run or hide. I'll be exposed for what I really am, which's been hidden for a long time. Read into it what you will. You might not know the whole story even if you've been picking my life apart like some kind of dismantling. And I shock you and you think I'm strange over and over again. I'm shocking people on purpose. Because I'm imprinting them the most at the very beginning. If I can leave a strong first impression on someone I have a better chance of being remembered. And people remember a lot. I can see people telling stories about me. What happened. What it was like. They're not all good, but they're full of life. I'm probably the most alive person I know. Oh the irony. I'm like some kind of rare bird with liberty protected by a council. And my writing is shocking because it's something you know you've never heard before and yet it's so familiar. And in my mind I see the future and I see my face on screens being broadcasted across the galaxy and that's what they call mental illness.

I don't trust and I don't believe. And people don't want me to write about this, because they want to project whatever they can onto me. Strangely maybe in hopes I'll wear it and take it with me. It's a matter of time. It's a matter of time before the truth comes out. The truth always comes out. Sometimes it just takes a while. It's not possible to de-escalate a situation that's so far out of hand. The only thing I can think of is to wait for nature to do it's work and everything has an end.

I'm a dreamer. But I'm also a realist.

My mind is cluttered because I've been hoarding up there.

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