Saturday, June 20, 2015

"Green Maples" by Anna Contessa edited by Mike Boylan

Writer Michael Boylan asked me if I would mind him editing one of my poems. Curious, I agreed. It is a short poem called "Green Maples." Here are the results.

Boylan's edit:

The definitive stamps in the treetops.
Stamps like handprints across the sky.
Summer is the season of brilliant green tempests.
Tempestuous in its smooth, silken shudders.
Moss and mushrooms relish the cool space.
Where bare feet touch forgiving earth.
Tiny creatures and wisps of tree's seeds.
Explore the vacant, still sky in this eternal shade.
I long to lay down below and slumber.
Rather than wilt outside of the protection.
In the safety I could bask unasked.

Growing together like old friends.

The original:

The definitive stamps in the treetops.
Stamps like handprints across the sky.
Summer is the season of brilliant green tempests.
Tempestuous in its smooth, silken shudders.
I long to lay down below and slumber, rather than wilt outside of the protection.
In the safety I could bask unasked.

Growing together like old friends.

So I like what Boylan did. He fleshed the short poem out and I think it's an improvement. Thank you so much Mike!

Mike Boylan is a yoga teacher who lives in Boulder, CO.

2 comments:

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  2. The edited poem strikes me quite differently than the original. The added lines speak of the external world and take the poem to that open space. The short, concise original leaves me in a tight psychological space. The vagueness of the original poem works well with the whole piece and it accords with the ambivalence and complicated nature of people's experiences. I am not sure what the poem means, but I'd guess it expresses a desire to melt into the beauty of nature and enjoy that destination as a safe resting place. Nice poems!

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