Friday, July 3, 2015

tacked to the wall

he wrapped the silver cord around my wrists and ankles, and then nailed me to the wall - brass tacks
the wall inside a box - his collection
I became so small, and yet for him it meant so much more
than when I was walking around in real life

he never said he wanted me for his collection, but I knew it
someone with dark eyes warned me that if I gave in to him I would become an old maid
someone else warned me that he was a psycho - a freak
they told me these things in double entendre, but I didn't listen

for a person who can suck you dry he sure does it with finesse and it is - enjoyable in all the right places ~
but as for the warnings...
I knew anyone could warn me the same of those two

in fact if I am any observer of real life I will become old - I will age - I will gray - but maybe not wither
I always pictured myself growing old in France
reclaiming our family chateau and living with a medium-sized dog - a dog the color of baked clay

and some day I'll look back, no, I won't
I was going to say I would look back on this day and remember my shirt
of all the details to remember it's a shirt and the fact that people like to mountain bike here
I won't look back on this day

I'll just remember what it felt like to be tacked onto a wall
I thought I was trying to photograph myself with butterflies
but I was the one being photographed
he liked the purple color of my sordid lips

I know how to be contemptible
I used to crush people with my vanity - sometimes
now I'm just viewing it all from my wall
another man once threatened to hang me by the skin of my back - that's what I heard

I need nectar to live off of and I can't procure it myself
he feeds me from a dropper
only the best poison - succulent flowers
to be a perfume - I must be a perfume

the only way I have now is to be young and breathless and kind and quiet
to be sweet and soft and pliant
the only way I have now is to stay in one place and not break away
because I cannot - I could not - I would not

if I cry he gets mad
it makes him feel helpless and he would bring the whole world to my wall so I could see it again
so if I shed even one tear it should be against every bone in my body
my bones are ivory trespasses

it feels like sugary frosting on my tongue to be finally helpless but safe
and it feels like forever - a forever place
it feels like an Alice moment that's frozen - freeze frame
he scrolls down the list - there are more compartments to fill

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