Monday, July 7, 2014

There is Something Wrong

It started today with a beetle.
Or perhaps a comment about someone.
A beetle and a comment.
I made a comment, a beetle flew into my hair.
I didn't notice the beetle until later.

A beautiful young woman once told me beetles are good luck.
I made a comment about that woman.
I touched the back of my hair and felt a hard shell.
I panicked, not knowing if it was a bee.
So, I leaned over the sink, and pulled my hair tie out.

I saw a black leg drop into the white sink.
I shook my hair out, but I didn't see anything.
I looked on the floor.
There was what looked like a dead beetle.
Its legs were tucked inside.

I picked it up.
I felt like maybe it was alive, but no, it's legs were inside.
I looked at it and noticed it was beautiful, green, a Japanese beetle.
So, I placed it in a piece of kleenex, and put it inside a hand painted box.
Later, I took it out to show to my mother.

I saw black legs through the white kleenex, and I was scared.
I brought it over to my mother.
We looked at it, she took the kleenex, because I was upset.
I knew it was missing a leg.
It started stretching and moving.

She told me things.
How it would be fine, it still had five legs.
I remembered my newt as a child.
It lost a leg and I think it was somehow my fault.
I was not happy.

And my mother took the beetle outside, and put it on her prize white rose.
Even though beetles like to eat roses, or so I hear.
I began thinking about the girl who taught me about lucky beetles.
Was I unlucky for luck even?
Or what happened?

Then, I thought about all the people I know.
I thought about all the problems we have.
And I cried.
The people I know, the problems we have.
Too many people, too many problems.

I pictured their faces, their issues.
I thought about their suffering.
Day in and day out.
We suffer every day.
Is it like this for everyone?

And I was derailed.
By empathy.
For the beetle, for the people.
A train sounded off in the distance.
Something is wrong I know it, something is very wrong.

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