Wednesday, May 21, 2014

In Response to a Suggestion

I am confronted by my frailty
My abused body is failing me
I look at myself in the mirror
I do not want to see this face
I do not want anyone else to see it either

I get up from one fall
And I fall again
I cannot breathe
I cannot run
I lost my wings

When I walk among the young, beautiful people here
They look at me
Because I am so ugly
People tell me: you are still beautiful
I know the truth

I dream of recovering from my life
Recovering from my life?
How do I recover from life?
And the more I do right
The more consequences I face

I know it's true
If I run from the consequences
I can keep them at bay
Until they overtake me
But I don't think I waited too long

Some people don't make it
If we continue to rot from the inside
Eventually it comes out
And then everyone can see what you've been up to
Right there on the outside

Sometimes being brave is wearing your disability on your sleeve
Like a badge of honor
Or you can hide
Where only a few trusted people see the downfall
I fly high and when I fall I fall for days

And I can fall even when I've done everything right
Because there are people shooting me down
People wonder why I never feel safe
But I've seen the infiltration
And when one dies another replaces him

And my friends are also my competition
And when I am up
They are down
I keep my friends at a distance
That's how I was mostly as a child

It seems like I have an infinite amount of time
But the more I accomplish
The more I reap
The more I store
The more prepared I will be

And perhaps some day I will look in the mirror again
And see a face I can live with
For now I cloak myself in words
The only safe place for me
And my heart is expanding, like a ball of rose quartz

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