Before I was born I knew you.
I was afraid to come out into the world.
I didn't know if I could walk beside you.
But I am here, waiting.
I see you in other people.
A man bent over a picnic table with long gray hair reminds me of you.
And although I want to give up and stop myself from climbing.
I see how he looks like he is focusing on creating something.
And who am I to fault a creator?
I tread closer and I think maybe you did me a small favor today, a kindness.
And I will never know, but should I let you down?
Or attack you with my unhelpful thoughts?
No, I have the notion I can do much better.
So I let it go.
Suddenly, I'm in a different place.
And a helpful goddess comes and pardons me from the past life I lived.
And she challenges me to open myself up.
And say, "I choose life."
Tears run down my face-stinging
I know it is the best way, she is right.
My next project is being born.
It is being born with me every day.
So I think of another woman with gray curly hair.
She said, "You have to be willing to try another way."
And how many ways there are!
I see paths winding everywhere throughout the world.
I can follow one, which leads to another, and another.
Endless paths for me to choose and walk down, forever.
Until on the last day I reach the end.
And there I will stop.
And you may or may not be beside me holding my hand.
I choose to live with you and without you.