Monday, September 22, 2014

Black Velvet

Despite what she thought
I realized that just because I didn't use the information I had before it might be more useful now
What I thought came from years of what I felt
So without giving too much away I must tell you what I discovered
I learned something about myself that seems true
My home is below Ann Arbor and I stand there under trellises of flowers
It seems like I'm waiting for something but I'm not
It's subterfuge
I suppose I stand where I got married
I don't accomplish anything
I don't want anything
Despite the lack of interaction I'm healthier than I was surrounded by friends
My closest friend is myself
In the daytime I live through my eyes
At night I smell the honeysuckle
And I am never away from my footprints
I like to watch my shadow shout to me
"You are alive!"
In the prism where I was born I had the same right
But beyond me I only see outlines
I think I know what I'm looking at
But I don't really know
I think I smell the flowers
But I only sense what I remember
To ponder is light for me
To sink into the background is like black velvet
Sometimes I tried to administer false truths to people who would listen
But they backed away
I felt them recoil from the lies I told to get the attention I wanted
No longer
Since I don't want anything I don't need to prove I'm in love
It doesn't seem to matter if someone else is in love with me
Publicly it might matter in a superficial way
Silent love does not interest the people who come to watch the shore with me
They want to know if I love someone else
If I don't, it is proof I'm not what they're looking for
Some days I bend toward the earth
Or reach toward the sun
Or push my roots deeper into the ground
When I love again I will be beyond reach of the passersby
Has my ability to love broadened or am I narrow?
To grow I know I must strip everything from the past away
And tomorrow doesn't promise to keep me warm
There is no promise but the ones I keep with myself
I am only standing here subdued
I may never move again
But I stand married to no idea or religion or hope for the future
I stand bound to a concept
It tells me things when I listen
And I know I am in love with the process
Of finding and finding again
Tossed off are the misperceptions
And welcomed are the only words I truly know
Seared into the soft gray matter
Like strings of sparks and the ashes of stars

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