Tuesday, May 7, 2013

This isn't me, I am not here

I am not here.
I've never even been real.
Every time he fools me, I think of the last thing I saw or heard.
It's nothing more than a single crying star.

The whole of the world.
The fiber in the glass.
The seas behind the skies.
And I'll never go and you'll never know.

So we meet in the night.
And we burst together as a new age cosmic phenomena.
Insanity becomes the new reason.
And I've never been me with you.

It's a delicate balance between dhota and the original.
The original is hiding in the real world.
You are working in the towns you made with the slaves you drive home.
Become tomorrow, because today is never the way you made it.

By the time you are done.
We'll be overwhelmed again.
It's the drama in the position that makes you hungry for more.
Hopefully I can trick you with clover.

This isn't me, I'm not here.
I've been gone for some time.
And when they come and say you're not in town.
Then I know, I wasn't here.

Or the times they led me into rooms and stores and I went in one way and came out another.
She's doesn't know, she's not her.
Let her go, because we can't outwit her.
Let her go so we can make it up in time.

While you're getting ahead on your side.
I'll be working on mine.
And when we meet again it'll be the same game, different story.
So, maybe next time try not to laugh so hard when I drop my best estimate.

I'm not here, so no problem.
Don't worry, you can't find me.
I'm in a place no one can find.
I live on a lake.

Remember when you treated me like a fool?
Remember when I acted like a child?
I'm so sorry I messed everything up AGAIN.
Well, it takes 2.

Someone runs to the trash and grabs a scrap of paper, purple and white, opposite.
And a bystander watches the ensuing chaos.
Thinking this can't be happening.
Oh dear, but it is, it is happening.

When I leave the room everyone runs!
And if you don't have clearance you don't have a choice.
I had clearance.
Are you from Russia?

My name is Anya and I was born in a small town.
I am a communist.
I hope you read this and wonder.
Or maybe you already wonder.

I wonder why?
God, I really thought I was 5'9", but I was much taller.
Sometimes I see the same person in the mirror, but she's not really there.
Like I said, this isn't me, I'm not here.

He mentioned serial killers.
We had a common interest and the night went from there.
2 drinks are all you need to start the night right.
Right into another dimension.

It wasn't me and I wasn't there.
That's why I didn't mind being back in the corner.
And the different versions of you were all the best.
But don't think I'm fooled by your stalling.

Oh, I, I, I had the time of my life.
But I won't swear.
You owe it all to you.
And I know precisely what to do.

Even when I feel insecure and wonder if all the choices are right.
I know sometimes confidence is taking chances.
I've always been a fan of the long shot.
Like the Sagittarian horse taking his best shot and breaking the bull's eye with speeding arrow.

But then again if I'm not here...why can I still speak?
Really though, I am not here.
It's a love affair you created for yourself.
It's you, not me.

I've never really believed.
It's farcical.
Or maybe sick and demented with a touch of the banal at times.
Or maybe I'll just write.

Niwot is not a real town.
Hopefully someone else noticed this.
Or perhaps it's just quaint.
The best explanation is generally not the one I buy.

La, la, la, if numbers are in relationship to words.
Then what number am I?
Are the sequences all perfectly lined up?
Call me crazy and I'll be back in demand.

But don't worry, I am not me.
So how can you lose?
But that was never the problem.
The problem is that I am not here, this isn't me.

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