Patrick and Gus sit at a picnic table in a park with some beers, Blue Moon, and talk.
Gus: "Wooooaaahhh I cannot BELIEVE you hooked up with Angela!! Man, you are one lucky son-of-a-bitch. You have to tell me all about it!"
Patrick: "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Haha, but who said I was a gentleman?"
They high five.
Gus: "So, how were her tits Pat? She looks like she has perky titties! Huh, how were they?"
Patrick: "You have no idea...they were like cradling little kittens. I mean small but perfect...none of that unequal sized shit...like some women have totally different sized tits. And her nipples, oh my GOD, her nipples are like the nipples on a newborn's baby bottle...ooohhh mama! Mama!"
They burst into laughter and high five.
Gus: "Was she a good kisser? Describe! Describe!"
Patrick: "Ok so she didn't hold back, like when I went in to kiss her she kissed me too. I hate it when a chick is either too aggressive or makes me feel like I'm taking advantage. Plus, she didn't shove her tongue in my mouth, if I want tongue she'll know. But then again I don't really like kissing, so one of the main bonuses of a receptive woman is she knows what I like. I don't want to be kissing all night and as much as I like to say that it's all about the woman's pleasure it's not."
Gus: "Oh yeah! I've used that line so many times. So she could tell she was there for one reason and one reason only, right?"
Patrick: "She was whatever I wanted her to be, but trust me she's unlike any other woman. And for once I found out what it's like to fuck a smart woman who's smart enough to know she's not as smart as me."
Gus: "It's a sensitive balance. I hear you. Like when they make sex into an athletic competition! And we have to act like it's better. Who knows some guys like gymnasts. Or they think we don't know when they're faking."
Patrick: "Every time a woman fakes with me I add that to my list of lies she's told me and silently hold it against her. But the strangest thing about Angela was that she didn't even try to fake it and I couldn't make her come. But she didn't seem even remotely bothered. It was as though pleasing me was the whole point AND she did seem like she enjoyed it! Just thinking about it gets me hot and confused unfortunately."
Gus: "Oh so she's like a cipher and you're all passionate?"
Patrick: "Gus you're getting way too existential on me or metaphysical or something. C'mon ask me how her ass was, I've been waiting for you to all along."
Gus: "Ok, ok, how was her ass?"
Patrick: "I am actually going to try and censor myself here...believe it or not...I can't even believe this. But her ass is ON FIRE! Oh my god, so hot, ah! Now I'm going to get deep on you, but it's like magic. And when you walk down the street with her you just watch the heads turn trying to get a glimpse. And, I, I get to grab it. Sucks doesn't it?"
Patrick slyly grins and licks his lips.