I am running along a path singing at the sky.
I am jumping into the air when I think no one is looking with a karate kick. Ha!
I am finding joy every time I go outside.
I am filled with gratitude.
I am also fighting demons at each corner.
God and the Devil are everywhere.
When I think I know something I am surely proven wrong.
I am the woman who knows nothing.
The cashier cards me for buying a disposable cigarette.
He looks suspicious of me.
I glare at him, "I am 30!"
Every time I make someone mad I feel like there's an attack.
I wonder why I don't stop interacting completely.
And shouldn't I just lay down and stay there?
You only like me when I perform for you the way you want me to.
And so I realize again, I can only be myself privately, and no one understands.
Low profile, under the radar, too weak to be who I want to be.
No one understands me.
In the end it's better that way.
The man who understands me controls me.
And here he is with me.
Wonder why I can't feel okay for any length of time.
Seeing him after an absence makes me feel amazing.
But then the very next day he's disapproving and takes it all away.
The man, the experienced hard-working man is never satisfied with okay.
And I can't play, because he's in charge and I'm a woman.
If I go running I should look stunning and fast, but not interact.
I should please him with exquisite tact.
Believe it or not I don't know who or what I am meant to impress.
All I know is they are gearing up and I'm involved like a silk stocking.
"Rrrrip my stocking! Rrrrrip my stocking!"
I don't have a lot to complain about fortunately since I've been back.
I checked out when you checked in.
You checked in when I checked out.
There's a glorious bouquet in the ballroom.
Could you fetch me some hydration.
Evian, Perrier, or San Pellegrino?
Which body guard would you like today?
I'll take Russell Crowe's bodyguard, since by now he surely has a sense of humor.
Am I allowed to smile if you don't say?
Can I stay where I want to stay?
Are you coming back to bring me love and light or no?
All I know is I'm as alone as I've been in a very long time.
I have a dream and the dream is to be the most I can be.
Perhaps I got in line a little late.
But who am I to cry and whine over spilt milk.
The best is here and more is coming.
Los Angeles is humming to a different tune.
And my place is in the higher, drier altitudes.
But summer, yes summer, I do love.
And as far as I know I can lay down in luck anytime the sun shines.
Are we running today?
It's overcast and cold!
Are you kidding me?
We work every day.
Time out. If you agree to forfeit your vacation you may stay.
And the man with his tail between his legs slinks away.
Sometimes people can get that way.
I cannot keep up okay?
If I smile or shrug at an invisible satellite don't bother to wonder.
I'm just laughing with the team in the monitor bay.
Snide and snarky, sarcastic, sardonic, and slick, we're all super savvy.
Got an hour? That's how much rest you'll get, and you still may not catch up.
One final favor?
From me to you, I totally believe in you.
I believe in you 100% and more.
You are the only person I rely on for more.
If I am at the top of a pyramid, you are floating and flying above me.
I can't help it if I haven't gotten my wings.
Yet I can jump.
Sadly I don't really pray.
Tomorrow before I lose the grip I have on the impossible, the unknown element, and the probable...
Let me down easy, since I cannot possibly last here in the race, the way I am.
Make me feel safe and ignore my face.
I am not what you came for and I will never be girl for you.
Because I am a woman.
Laugh all you want, but since you can't see for yourself, perhaps a bit of respect is due.
If I disrespect you what do you do?
But if you disrespect and disregard the unbelievable fee I paid.
You'll see nothing of me.
I am not free.
I choose to be when I want to be.
You are not in love with me and I am not the siren singing from the sea.
Given back to you broken?
If I was in one piece before please show me the door.
I just might fight for myself.
For a better life.
Strike me down when you have no other.
There is no one else up here.
We've been alone all along.
And if they touched my soul they caught nothing but vapor.
Beyond you are the gardens where I was so bold.
And above us is eternity looking down at me.
Look out for you and me and find out it's easy.
It is as it is and should be.
Because what is simple we make look hard.
And what is hard we make look simple.
You and me.
Believe me or believe what you want to believe.
Grandiose are the schemes you grew in the parks.
Below the grasses and dandelions.
It's a joke to you, but not to me.
Since I no longer see.
I've had my fun and run amok.
Gone are my days walking through the dark.
If I am going it's with a bite much bigger than it's bark.
Bitten and you'll remember, but never, never surrender yourself to me.
What I heard was this: It has never been better.
I could go on and on forever.
Instead I leave you with this: Can we die together?